Poor, poor white people. After centuries of subjugating people of color, exterminating indigenous Americans, and brutalizing millions of black slaves, whites are having a really hard time being part of the national ruling class. Others sometimes make fun of your bad dancing! Jokes about Spanish-language television go over your head! Sometimes your coffee takes a little too
Claiming "anti-white" discrimination is silly. (Same goes for "anti-male" bias.) But it's especially silly in Miami, where much of the population is Latino and has exactly zero tolerance for bigoted white folks. Still, that hasn't stopped a whole bunch of dummies from claiming that "anti-white" or "anti-male" bias is ruining their lives. Here's a running list:
In early 2016, Hialeah Police Officer Louis Herrera applied for a promotion to sergeant, feeling confident about his chances. He was excited about the job, which promised a raise and a bigger role at the department. But despite scoring well on the required exam, he was wasn't chosen. The same thing happened when he applied again a year later.
Herrera thought the reason was obvious: He was being discriminated against — because he's a man.
But the vast majority of the department's sergeants — about 86 percent, according to figures shared with New Times — are men. Of 49 sergeants, only seven are women, says agency spokesman Carl Zogby, who declined to comment directly about the lawsuit.
Yet Herrera says it's only because of his gender that he's been prevented from joining those male-dominated ranks.
After one of its officers shot an unarmed black man in the summer of 2016, the North Miami Police Department has been dogged by allegations of racial bias and police misconduct. In the aftermath, the city fired Chief Gary Eugene and appointed Assistant Chief Larry Juriga as an interim replacement.
But the decision to promote Juriga has raised eyebrows from many residents in the heavily Haitian community. Despite the fact that the police force remains overwhelmingly white, the interim chief filed an EEOC complaint as recently as two years ago claiming he was being discriminated against as an "anglo."
"I have been marginalized in the department, where I have worked for 21 years," Juriga wrote in June 2015. "Until recently, no 'anglo' was a department head. A white police chief and white assistant chief were forced out in 2010. All three chiefs since have been black."
In his complaint, Juriga also claimed he heard then-City Manager Aleem Ghany call him a "redneck" after the two spoke on the phone one day in November 2014. (Ghany supposedly forgot to hang up before making the comment.)
After leaving Indiana for a nursing job at Miami's Nicklaus Children's Hospital, Daniele Hoffman threw herself into her new workplace, organizing hospital-wide activities, mentorship programs, and potlucks.
But she says she never fit in because she's white and doesn't speak Spanish. In a federal lawsuit against the hospital, Hoffman says staff discriminated against her, called her "gringa" and "skinny white girl," and insisted on speaking Spanish around her.
"Despite Daniele's dedication to [NCH], she suffered severe discrimination on the job because of her race, color, and national origin," reads the suit, which also claims she was retaliated against for telling on hospital staff who drank coquito at work.
Hoffman claims she had no choice but to quit due to her treatment from co-workers.
A spokesperson for Nicklaus Children's Hospital (formerly Miami Children's Hospital) tells New Times the hospital "steadfastly denies the allegations" in the suit.
An English-speaking teacher says the Miami-Dade County School Board discriminated against her by not hiring her for a job. One requirement of the position? Teaching an hour of Spanish per day.
Tracy Rosner, a third-grade teacher at Coral Reef Elementary, filed a federal lawsuit in the Southern District of Florida last week claiming employment discrimination on the basis of her race — which is white.
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(Rosner's lawyer noted that Rosner "was denied a job teaching English Reading and Composition to children in the EFL program in Miami-Dade County Schools. The EFL program has a one-hour Spanish component per day that can be taught by any teacher in the program, and not exclusively the English Reading and Comprehension teacher. By requiring the English teacher to understand Spanish to teach English to English-speaking students is the issue.")
5. Miamian David Sanguesa began screaming "Trump!" at a black Starbucks employee and then claimed "anti-white discrimination" was to blame for his coffee order taking too long.
Around 4:30 p.m. today, Jorge de Cárdenas was getting some work done in a Starbucks on South Dixie Highway near the University of Miami. A group of people stood waiting in line at the counter for their coffee and snacks.
But one disgruntled white customer got so upset at how long his order was taking that he began screaming "Trump!" at a black employee. The man then claimed "anti-white discrimination" was to blame for his delayed coffee, called another employee "garbage," and threatened to punch somebody.
"He said it was 'anti-white discrimination,'" Cárdenas says, "so he started disparaging the staff. One patron called him an asshole, so he said, 'Fuck you, bitch.' That's when I started filming."
Cárdenas whipped out his phone to take a video just as the man called the black employee "trash," demanded his money back, and started shouting, "I voted for Trump! Trump! You lost, now give me my money back," at the staff.
Behold, the funniest video in Miami history: