Miami Named City With Most Attractive Residents Because, Like, Duh
Excuse our beauty, rest of America, but for the first time since 2009, Miami has been named the city with the most attractive residents by Travel + Leisure's America's Favorite Cities survey. Which, whatever, no one had to tell us. We already know we're beautiful. Duh. We all wake up and look in the mirror every single day (usually for at least a good 15 minutes because it's so hard to look away).
Actually, out-of-towners ranked us first, right ahead of second-place San Diego and third-place San Juan. Interestingly, Miamians ranked themselves only the third most attractive city, but that's because we're humble -- beautiful on the inside and outside.
The most beautiful girl in the room always claims she's only, like, the third or fourth most beautiful.
"You have such great eyebrows. I wish I had some like those," we tell San Diego.
"Oh my God, how do you stay in shape? You look great," we say to San Juan.
But deep down we know we are owning the room, and everyone agrees.
Our hair is did. Our body is on point. Our makeup is minimal, because frankly we don't even need that much, unlike -- cough, cough -- Houston. Ours is the kind of beauty that starts wars. That brings mere mortals to tears. That strikes envy deep in the hearts of others.
Anchorage, Alaska, by the way, came in dead last, but that's OK. We're sure they have a great personality, and maybe if they just straightened their hair and got a new wardrobe they'd find a nice guy to settle down with one day.
Besides Anchorage, being beautiful doesn't solve all of our problems. Just most of them.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss Miami New Times' biggest stories.
- Dolphins Fire Kevin Coyle, Promote Lou Anarumo
Thu., Oct. 15, 7:00pm
Thu., Oct. 15, 7:30pm
Sat., Oct. 17, 12:00am
Sat., Oct. 17, 10:00am
- The Six Phases of a Gentrifying Neighborhood in Miami
- Chiquitica, Dog Who Sailed From Cuba Last Month, Hit by Car