Yesterday, Riptide found what seemed to be a theme song for the newly christened Miami Marlins. Sadly, we've since learned the song is unofficial, a passionate fan ode to the reborn franchise -- which makes the music much more endearing, and also more confusing. Who the hell takes the time to write and record a song about the Miami Marlins?
More people than you'd think. Check out five other would-be Marlins fan themes we dug up on YouTube.
5. "Miami Marlins Rap," By Ironwheels 199
Key lyric: "New unis fill the store, are anything but a bore; a new sleek logo with such bright colors."
Jack McKeon Old Man Awfulness Rating: Three and a half McKeons. To Jack's ears, this teenage Autotuned rap duo have their hearts in the right place. But their flow is sub-Sugarhill Gang, and Jack demands a tight rhyme.
4. "I'm a Florida Marlin," Marlinshood.com
Key lyric: "No disrespect to J.A. Happ, but I could give a fuck about that red Phillies cap."
Jack McKeon Old Man Awfulness Rating: Five McKeons. That's a hearing-aid destroying backbeat, kids. But Jack does give bonus points for Marlinshood.com's official logo (visible at the 1:12 mark) of an AK-47 in place of the jumping fish in the team logo.
3. "Miami Marlins New Theme Song," by DaveBR38
Key Lyric: "Miami has the
Dolphins Marlins, the greatest football baseball team."
Jack McKeon Old Man Awfulness Rating: Two and a half McKeons. "Now waita second, these guys are just yellin over that Miami Dolphins song," Jack says. "That's lazier than that ragamuffin Hanley Ramirez. But damned if I don't like a good Sousa march."
2. "Miami (2012 Marlins Anthem)," by DC
Key Lyric: "New colors, new home, new team, new attitude and new revenue stream."
Jack McKeon Old Man Awfulness Rating: Three McKeons. Major bonus points for the Ozzie Guillen-lookalike yelling into the mic. And the kid's got gumption. Jack loves gumption.
1. "Marlins Will Soar," by Scott Stapp
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!
Key Lyric: "Come on Marlins, make us proud. I keep hoping and dreaming that you will soar."
Jack McKeon Old Man Awfulness Rating: Forty-seven McKeons. "This is worse than that time I was battling Teddy Williams for the first-base job in Scranton in 1923 and that Mick bastard put rat poison in my tobacco pouch and I blacked out for seven innings but still layed down two bunts," McKeon muses. "Is this really that asshole from Creed?"