Now that the Herald is planning its move from its seaside lair to a third-floor Homestead office (above a Palacio de Jugos! Yes!), they're looking to unload some stuff. Here are a few of the items we're going to be looking for on Craigslist.
Dave Barry's sense of humor. Your grandmother will love it. (Fart and booger jokes sold separately.) 20 years old, severe wear and tear, sold AS IS. $26 or best offer.
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20 Pulitzer prizes. Iran-Contra, Haitian immigration, Hurricane Andrews. Trophies have some damage from use in last few years as bludgeons to butcher stray cats in effort to stave off starvation. Will trade whole lot of them for cheeseburgers.
The Editorial Board. Sweet, but prone to erratic behavior. Afraid of modern technology. Each require own BMW for transportation. Pitts bites sometimes. Free to an understanding home, must be adopted together.
Two once-sizable testicles. Neutered. On a shelf around here somewhere. Will barter for more free interns.