If we had told you before this game started that the Dolphins would only manage to score 14 points in the first half, zero points in the second half, turn the ball over three times in enemy territory, but will still win the game, you would have stabbed us in the spleen with a No. 2 pencil and gone about your business.
But alas, that's exactly what happened, as the Dolphins managed to overcome several miscues to take down the Jacksonville Jaguars in a big, large, desperate, must-win, game of gargantuanly huge proportions.
The Dolphins seemed to do everything to pull off their weekly patented Fourth Quarter Meltdown Extravaganza yesterday, turning the ball over three times and failing to get any offensive coherence in the second half. At various points throughout the game, even CBS play-by-play man Kevin Harlan seemed to be in on jinxing the Dolphins at every turn. To wit:
HARLAN: Dan Carpenter has been automatic this season. I mean, he's been clutch.
Very Next Play: Dan Carpenter's 38-yarder plunks the right goal post, field goal attempt no good.
HARLAN: Ricky Williams has been one of the most reliable running backs
in the NFL, and has been so reliable for the Dolphins stepping in for
the injured Ronnie Brown.
Very Next Play: Ricky Williams fumbles the ball on the Jacksonville 35, Jags recover.
HARLAN: Chad Henne takes over with excellent field position. He's simply been on fire today.
Very Next Play: Chad Henne throws an interception at the Jacksonville 41.
Get your nuts caught in a waffle iron, Kevin Harlan.
Still, if this team has proven anything, it's that it's a resilient
bunch. Chad Henne had another solid performance, going 21-for-29 for
220 yards, including a team-record 17 consecutive completions, and a
rushing touchdown. Despite fumbling the football three times (losing it
once), Ricky Williams still managed to rush for 108 yards and a
But it's the Dolphin defense that's earned the complimentary booze and
strippers today, as they held the Jags offense to only 217-total yards
and just 10 points for the game. The Dolphin D was able to shake their
recent craptastic fourth quarter play by bailing out the offense's
miscues time and again. The Dolphin D must also really fucking hate
dudes with hyphenated names because they beat the crap out of the
usually dominant Maurice Jones-Drew, holding him to 59 yards rushing,
while delivering a donkeypunch to the sternum to up-and-coming receiver
Mike Sims-Walker, holding him to just one catch for six yards. With
1:20 remaining and clinging to a four-point lead, Miami was able to
stop Jacksonville on a key fourth-and-three and, to put an exclamation
point on the proceedings, brought in pass rushing specialist Cameron
Wake to seal the deal. Wake, if you haven't noticed, has pretty much
been ruining opposing quarterbacks' shit all season. So, in order to
specifically ruin Jacksonville quarterback David Garrard's shit, the
Dolphins once again called on Wake. And, on the last play of the game,
ruin Garrard's shit he did, sacking the big quarterback as time
expired, sealing Miami's 14 - 10 victory.
The Dolphins now find themselves smack in the middle of a huge hot
messy logjam along with the Ravens, Jets, Jags, Steelers, Titans and
Texans for the final AFC playoff spot. The schedule doesn't get any
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easier, as the Fins travel to Tennessee before hosting Houston and
Pittsburgh to close out the season. The good news: Miami is now 6-0 in
December under Tony Sparano. The better news: The Dolphins are finding
ways to win, even when they don't play their best football.