Miami Dolphins' Five Keys To Victory Versus Jets
Your Miami Dolphins, fresh off their bye week, travel to New Jersey to take on the dirty, stinkin' Jets in that cesspool of filth they call a stadium in the Meadowlands. Let's look at five keys for this Sunday's matchup:
1. Shaking Off The Rust
The bye week gives players the chance to heal up their bodies a little for the brutality of the rest of the season, coaches an extra week of preparation for the next opponent and players a chance to get away from football by posting uninteresting photos on Instagram. However, this bye week seems to have come at a bad time for the 3-3 Fins as they were fresh off a two-game winning streak and were riding a bit of momentum before the break. Miami is historically 13-10 in the game following the break since the bye week was installed in 1990 (1993 schedule had two bye weeks) so there's some decent history there for us to pull out a win against the hated Jets.
2. LaMontell Pussyhammer Giving Out Bitch Slaps
Ah, the welcomed game week trash-talk between the Dolphins and Jets returns. You gotta love it. Rex vs. Reggie, Reggie vs. that 'roid head LaRon Landry, LaRon talking smack right back and Reggie (aka LaMontell Pussyhammer) spittin' FIRE, vowing revenge for an interpreted 'hit' on Reggie during the last game. You gotta love this stuff especially after years where there wasn't much hatred between these two teams. THIS is what makes this rivalry special. Also, I expect a huge game from LaMontell on the back of all this fussin' and fightin' as well as the added rest of him during the bye week. He hasn't been exactly 'right' since that game but he's going to use his rather large penis to slap all 53 men on the Jets' active roster with great vengeance and furious anger!
(But, you know, instead of guns shooting it will be LaMontell's rather large member)
3. First Divisional Road Test for Tannehill
Rookie QB Ryan Tannehill barely knows the divisions in football but this will be a great test to see where he's at mentally as he faces a hostile, rival crowd for the first time in the NFL. Tannehill has been incredibly impressive, notching increasingly better passing ratings over the last few games and limiting his mistakes so coming to the Meadowlands -- on the eve of THE PERFECT SUPER STORM OF THE CENTURY SNOWICANE with winds predicted to be around 30 mph at kickoff -- should give us a better idea of where this kid is at.
4. The Laughable Jets Offense
I mean, if you hire Tony Sparano as your offensive coordinator, you shouldn't really be surprised when your main offensive weapon is your kicker. Couple that with the revolving QB situation between Mark Sanchez and Jesus over there and it's incredibly hilarious to watch! The fact they've managed to average 23 points per game is shocking given how straight stupid they look out there every time they're on offense. However, good luck running the ball (the only thing they can do...I mean, look at their quarterbacks, people) against Miami's #4 ranked rushing defense, suckas!
5. Pink Flags!
This game is gonna be faaaabuulous! As we mentioned yesterday, the Dolphins-Jets game will be the only game to feature pink penalty flags -- as opposed to the usual yellow ones employed by officials -- during the NFL's annual breast cancer awareness month in October. How do you feel about that, LaMontell?
LaMontell!!! That's just gross.
The Miami Dolphins take on the hated, disgusting, New York Troglogytes this Sunday at 1 p.m.
Get the ICYMI: Today's Top Stories Newsletter Our daily newsletter delivers quick clicks to keep you in the know
Catch up on the day's news and stay informed with our daily digest of the most popular news, music, food and arts stories in Miami, delivered to your inbox Monday through Friday.