Marlins Win! Marlins Win! Holy Sh*t, Marlins Win!
It was an unlikely win, but a win all the same. The Marlins stopped their 11-game losing streak last night with a 5-2 win over the Angels.
Javier Vazquez pitched a scoreless 5 1/3 innings, which is pretty awesome considering he entered last night's game with the worst ERA in the majors. Mike Stanton and Omar Infante had two RBIs a piece. And our new 80-year-old manager Jack "Lemon" McKeon got his first win. He's now 1/2, which, coincidentally, is the bookies' odds that he'll kick the bucket by the time you finish reading this blog.
If the Fish win tonight, it'll be the first time they've won two in a row since May freakin' 26. Here's an idea of just how long ago that was.
On May 26, when the Marlins swept the world-champion Giants:
- Anthony Weiner's erect penis had yet to grace America's television and computer screens.
- Michelle Bachmann was still just a glassy eyed, junior congresswoman with no foreign policy credentials and zero chance at winning the presidency. Now, on the other hand, she's... oh never mind.
- The Miami Heat were heavily favored to win the NBA championship.
- LeBron James was the clutchiest clutch guy to ever nail a clutch.
- Dirk Nowitzki was a pussy. (Notice the use of the past tense. Nice ring, Dirk)
- And Urban Beach Weekend was just a noisy, crowded, drunken event and not a nationally televised firestorm of racial anxiety and needless killing.
And even though the praise surrounding McKeon is a bit premature -- it's one goddamn game, statistically, it was bound to happen -- here's hoping the Marlins keep winning and make us forget about all that other crap.
Especially Michelle Bachmann.
Follow Miami New Times on Facebook and Twitter @MiamiNewTimes.
Get the Weekly Newsletter
Our weekly feature stories, movie reviews, calendar picks and more - minus the newsprint and sent directly to your inbox.
- Court Rules Michael Pizzi Should Be Reinstated as Mayor of Miami Lakes
Fri., May 1, 6:35 p.m.
Sat., May 2, 1 p.m.
Sat., May 2, 5:35 p.m.
Sun., May 3, 1:05 p.m.
- 305 Is One of the Most In-Demand Area Codes in the Country
- DJ Laz Won't Face Criminal Charges Over Deadly Nixon Sandbar Boat Accident