Last night, Dan Kolko — the Washington Nationals' broadcaster on MASN — was sitting in the Marlins Park press box before the game when he noticed something weird going on with the audio as the Nats took batting practice. It's normal procedure for the opposing team to have upbeat music playing while they are taking BP, but this music — well, let's just say it sounded like the weirdest Skrillex track ever.
"Loud fart noises are coming through the speakers," Kolko announced via Twitter. "I swear, I'm not kidding."
Wait, were the Marlins really blasting fart noises at the opposing team during warmups?
We need to hear a sound, or it didn't happen, Kolko. You're straight-up making stuff up. Nobody will ever believe you. There is literally no way the Marlins would play fart sounds through the loudspeakers in the ballpark while the other team was taking batting practice. If you have no evidence, this claim is slanderous and downright — oh:
OK, yeah, that's weird. Yeah, that's totally a fart noise. I still don't believe it's coming from the Marlins, though. It could totally be audio the Nats broadcast team added to play a prank. Until someone from Miami confirms this is happening — which I find highly unlikely — I still don't believe you. DAMMIT!
No idea what's going on in Marlins trade world right now, but I can confirm the awful music for Nats BP is still a thing that is happening.— Christy Chirinos (@ChristyChirinos) July 29, 2015
Eventually, the Nats got sick and tired of the farting and brought in a wireless speaker to fight off the farts. THIS IS WAR!
That on the far right is a speaker the Nats have brought onto the field. They're taking matters into their own hands. pic.twitter.com/SduJdOvCKu— Dan Kolko (@masnKolko) July 29, 2015
We have reached peak Marlins. Not only does the team provide a visual fart on a nightly basis, but now we have audio too — thank God we don't have smell-o-vision yet. But wait — it's not peak Marlins yet! It would be peak Marlins only if they completely denied a thing that is obviously happening, so until that happens, not peak Marl... AND IT HAPPENED.
As for Marlins Fartgate. Told by team official sounds made in speakers during Nats BP were inadvertent. But being looked at internally.— Will Manso (@WillManso) July 30, 2015
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SHOW ME HOW
The real truth is this may be revenge for something the Nats did to the Marlins during their batting practice in Washington earlier this season. It seems instead of the rock music the Fish had requested, the Nats provided elevator music during BP — so the Marlins saved all their farts for the perfect opportunity — THEN LET LOOSE A BARRAGE OF FARTS LIKE NO ONE HAS SEEN BEFORE.
I have contacted the Marlins front office and am awaiting a response. So far, I have received no email back. I'll update if I get a reply.