I’ve been with my boyfriend for close to 2 years, and although the typical new-relationship woes nearly destroyed us in the beginning, I feel that we’re stronger now than we’ve ever been. I’m 36, he’s 27, we’re both hardworking and independent, and we’re even blessed to share the same vices – good wine, a little cocaine, and romantic comedies. No, things aren’t perfect but I’m really content with him and feel like he’s someone I could share my life with. As a result, 2 months ago I asked him to move in with me. He was really gung ho about it and we even talked about how we would change my décor to match his tastes, which side of the closet would be his, and all that. But now it’s been months, he’s still not here, and every time I ask him about it he claims that he’s too busy to move or gives me some other lame excuse. So now I’m wondering what to do. Should I just give this up? I really feel like our relationship is worth fighting for, but I don’t want to do it alone. Help! Oh, and I’m a man if that makes any difference.
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No, it doesn’t make a difference that you’re a boy who likes boys. Gay or not, shacking up is a major step and one that takes a huge amount of commitment from both people. But you’re no young philly so I don’t need to tell you that there’s more to the situation than drinking merlot and watching Kate Hudson movies. Or do I, E? You say that you discussed interior design and closet space, but I’m sure you and your guy discussed how you would split the finances and household duties, and what you expect from each other as live-in lovers. Didn’t you, E? If not, that could be the reason for your baby’s cold feet. If you were selling him dreams of a beautiful life without explaining the shitty side, he could be feeling a little uninformed, resulting in his distribution of what you call “lame excuses.” I love how you say he’s hardworking, but then call his “busy” excuse lame; could it be, you’re an asshole and after 2 years he finally realized it and would rather keep the relationship undomesticated? Hmmm.
The fact is, there are many things that could have prompted your man’s trepidation, and since you guys are soo tight, you might as well come straight out and ask him what the problem is. Don’t be confrontational, and don’t do it while he’s blowing lines of coke off your buttcheek, just make him a nice dinner, and say something like, “I want to share more than this turkey with you, I’m ready to share my house.” Okay that’s corny, but you get the idea. And be prepared for whatever his answer may be because there is a possibility that he has another man, he really likes women, or that he’s turned off by the way you use the same rag to wash your face and your ass. Hopefully he’ll just say that he wasn’t so sure about the amount of closet space you were willing to give him, and the problem will be solved. But you’ll never know until you speak up, so quit with the rom-com marathons and holla at your man!
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