Magic City Kitty - Strip Club Mania
I have a problem – well, I've been told that I have a problem. My friends think that I may be obsessed with strippers, and this isn’t the first time I’ve heard it. To be honest, I don’t really care what anyone thinks because I'm not willing to give up a hobby just because someone else is uncomfortable with it. I've been going to the same strip clubs since I was 18 so I know most of the ladies who've danced between now and then, and I enjoy watching them perform. I'm in a club most nights of the week, and I've made great friends of the girls. Yes, the sights arouse me, and yes, I fantasize about them when I'm with my girl, but that’s my business! Kitty, I'm not trying to figure out how to stop going to the club - I guess what I want to know is how to make it less of a problem for the people around me.
You’re funny, I can see you foaming at the mouth and shit, all, "I'm not changing for NObody!" That's cool, Kitty always sez to live your life in whatever way makes YOU happy - as long as you realize that it very well may mean a lonely existence. But you’ll never know true isolation, will you? Because you belong to a place where everybody knows your name and you know his or her cup size, and that’s the kind of intimacy you can’t duplicate. And since I didn’t hear you say that you’re actually taking these girls home to Mom or acting inappropriately in any way, it’s hard for me to oppose your little hobby. What you’re doing out in the open is wayyy more tame than what some people do in the privacy of their own homes, so who’s to judge? Just as some folks frequent a certain bar or bakery – depending on their vice – you’ve found a place where the employees like you and you enjoy the service they provide. So, the best way to get your peeps comfortable with your so-called obsession is to try emphasizing the positives.
Tell them that between tipping the strippers, buying drinks for the strippers, and paying admission to see the strippers, you’re contributing to the economy in a major way. Where do they think your surplus check is going to go? Not into some savings account, you’re gonna sign it, seal it, and deliver it riiight into Chardonnay’s g-string. Now that’ll get us out of a recession. And what about the amazing food? And the music? Unwillen you can quote me on this, the tittie bar is really no different than whatever lame spot your crew chooses to frequent. Sure, there are boobs and coochs everywhere – but you can see more than that on National Geographic. And most of all, while they sit at their bar fantasizing about some girl across the room, you’re actually living out your wildest dreams. With dollar bills clenched between your teeth, you're smacking asses left and right while a gaggle of gorgeous girls smile at you while they move their torsos like a cement mixer. That’s why you go, right? Not just the nudity, but the unwavering attention, the affection, the hands-on aspect of it all? Well, ya know what? On behalf of all the women out there, I say thank God for your obsession. At least you’re not out at the regular club harassing us.
Got a question? Email the Magic City Kitty.
Get the Weekly Newsletter
Our weekly feature stories, movie reviews, calendar picks and more - minus the newsprint and sent directly to your inbox.
- Michael Pizzi Back in as Mayor of Miami Lakes After Wayne Slaton Steps Down
Fri., May 1, 6:35 p.m.
Sat., May 2, 1 p.m.
Sat., May 2, 5:35 p.m.
Sun., May 3, 1:05 p.m.
- Car Insurance in Miami-Dade Is 54 Percent More Expensive Than the Rest of Florida
- Marco Rubio: Gay Marriage Civil Rights Cases Are "Ridiculous and Absurd"