Magic City Kitty Sharpens Her Claws on Internet Dating
I wasn't exactly hot as a teen, but when I hit 25, I became a stud and subsequently went on a decade-long dating spree. Recently I decided to drop the bachelor life and start hunting for someone to spend my life with. It hasn't been easy; no one fits the mold. So, on the advice of a friend, I tried the Internet, and after a few weeks, I found a woman who's intelligent, funny, cute, and really into me. First we chatted online, then we talked on the phone for months, and now I want to meet her. But every time I arrange a date, she's always busy or something comes up at the last minute. I'm beginning to think that things might not be the way she says. Should I take her hesitation as bashfulness, or is this woman just virtual reality?
She could absolutely be a figment of your imagination; some horny kid in Podunk, Iowa; or worse — a man. Once you entered the realm of Internet dating, you murdered your ability to make your own decision about who you're dating. It's comparable to sticking your dick through a hole in the wall at Déjà Vu; it feels good as hell, but you never really know who's on the other side putting their nose to your hose. E-mail allows delayed and well-thought-out responses to your intimate questions, convoluted profiles allow people to describe themselves as the intriguing people they wish they were, and the pics — oh, the pics — well, Photoshop, lighting, and angles can make a bitch look like Beyoncé. The worst (and sometimes best depending on who you are) part of Internet dating is the fact that people can hide behind their computer screens and claim to be whoever they want to be. You never know what you're getting until you meet the person face-to-face. Granted, plenty of regular, desirable folks use the Internet to bolster their sex lives, and some even find their soulmate, so you can't be sure your cyberchick isn't who she says she is. But the fact that she's not so eager to meet up with you is a major red flag. She could be married, the monstrous twin sister of the woman whose picture she sent you, or even a small monkey savvy enough to use a computer. Should you give up on her after months of buildup? Yes. Let this broad go and chalk it up to experience. Meow.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss Miami New Times' biggest stories.
- Trump Sues Univision for a Half-Billion Dollars, Proves He's Totally Unfit for the...
- U.S.-Cuban Embassies May Be Reopening, but Appointing an Ambassador Might Become a Fight
- Heat Signs Dragic to Five-Year, $90-Million Deal; Still Pursuing Wade