Magic City Kitty - Memorial Day Ass Edition
Dating can be hard, and doing it online is even harder. People lie about their age, send you a 20-year-old picture, or convince you to marry them in exchange for your credit card number (and the security code). But, just as in real life, people always give signs that lead you to the truth. So I’m going to shave away the lies and dissect the personal ads so that you won’t have to. Today’s is from Craigslist, but I’ll troll through all of the dating sites until every untyped secret is revealed. This Memorial Day edition is dedicated to all of the out-of-towners rolling into Miami looking for some hot, cheap ass. Carpe diem.
Long Dick Visiting Miami This Weekend!! - m4w - 21 (Miami!)
Long Dick is coming! Long Dick is coming! Somebody knows a little something about marketing; L.D. has the perfect subject line. He gave the who, the what, and the when, and he even has pictures! Yes, the usage of two exclamation points does worry me a bit, at least he didn’t use 3.
Whats going on?
You tell us what’s going on, Long Dick.
I'm coming out to Miami this memorial day weekend, so hit me back up asap! check out my pics and if you like what u see then hit me up!!.....
Why all the damn exclamation points?! This guy already seems pushy. He’s talking about “asap” and demanding you to peep his pics and then to “hit me up,” so he may be a bit needy. Some of you may like this trait, if so, take two steps forward to the next paragraph.
I'm 21, good lookin, I'm MIXED, I'm CLEAN, STDS/Disease FREE, hung, and I will make sure you have a good time, cant go wrong with that now can you? ;)
NPC Southern States Bikini, Figure, Men's Physique
TicketsFri., Jul. 7, 6:00pm
NPC Southern States Bodybuilding Championships vs. NPC Southern States Fitness & Figure Championships
TicketsSat., Jul. 8, 6:00pm
Florida Launch vs. Chesapeake Bayhawks
TicketsSat., Jul. 15, 7:00pm
Florida Launch vs. Charlotte Hounds
TicketsSat., Jul. 22, 7:00pm
This is fine, he gives his stats (even though he’s kinda vague), promises a good time and has a little fun with the caps lock key while he’s at it. The little winky thing at the end is cool too because it says that he’s flirting which is always great in a pick-up/dating situation.
PS I saw the pics. Hung he is.
***FACE PICS GET FASTER REPLIES!!
Ok now, Long Dick posted three pics of his member so you could return the favor with images of a similar view or add a few head (ha ha, head.) shots in. People always love to see what they’re working with, but the wonders of the internets don’t even guarantee that the person you’ve been IM’ing for the past 6 months is the dude in the picture. All I’m saying is, don’t put yourself out there if you’re not ready to be exposed. Craigslist is anonymous for the most part, but once your picture is out there you’re as open as a hooker on the point.
Got a question? Email the Magic City Kitty.
Get the ICYMI: Today's Top Stories Newsletter Our daily newsletter delivers quick clicks to keep you in the know
Catch up on the day's news and stay informed with our daily digest of the most popular news, music, food and arts stories in Miami, delivered to your inbox Monday through Friday.