This is what happens when:
Dick meets girl.
Girl is wasted, so she gives Dick her number.
Dick calls girl and invites himself to her house, threatens her with a good time, etc.
Girl doesn’t like his aggro ass so she decides to never answer his call again.
And calls again.
Finally, Dick leaves a message.
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so.write( "player_2426435" );
In case you missed that, he said, "Bitch you see me callin' your slutty, fuckin', sorry ass. Man, fuck you, you raggely, pussy ass bitch."
I’m not exactly sure what a “raggely, pussy ass bitch” is, but after hearing the passion in dude’s voice I can tell that he reallllly wants to be with one. “Raggely” must mean phenomenal, and a “pussy ass” must be some bionic, amazing pussy and ass combination that he can’t get enough of. And “bitch,” ohhh he said that with so much vigor, he must have been talking about man’s best friend in this muhfucka!
Seriously, homegirl should be glad that she didn’t give dude a piece, taste, or even a whiff of the coochie. If her simple refusal to accept his calls resulted in this electronic bitchfit, I would hate to see how he would react to her not passing the mac and cheese fast enough at Thanksgiving.
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Ladies, let this be a lesson. If you see a deal-breaking trait early on, follow your instincts and leave dude alone. This slutty, fuckin', sorry ass bitch did and look what happened. The best thing she ever did was stop accepting his calls. The second best: saving this voicemail for the world to hear.
Have a voicemail that needs to be dissected? E-mail the Magic City Kitty.
Psssst. Kitty's also in the paper now. Click here to check out this week's question!