It's noon on this, the second work lunch hour of the year 2011, and we here at Riptide hope to make all your lunch breaks this year special. Which is why we're introducing a new daily noon feature where we basically get to have some fun and post whatever the hell catches our twisted attention. Because it's the lunch hour, no one is really doing work anyway. Why should we?
As our first offering here are the ten most wonderfully odd YouTube videos of 2010, which really is just a hastily put together list of all the very strange viral videos that stuck in our mind from the past year.
10. "THE BEST MOVIE EVER! MIAMI CONNECTION!" aka The Worst Movie Ever
Everything is Terrible, the internet's finest purveyors of horrible found video footage, unearthed their Holy Grail this year with a 1987 movie called "Miami Connection." Here's their remixed trailer which proves, yes, indeed, everything is terrible. Besides the name the movie has little connection to our city. Fittingly, it was shot in Orlando where, again, everything really is terrible.
9. "Hot Salsa Dog" aka Dogs finally beat Cats at YouTube
I guess it's commonly accepted that cats beat dogs at the internet, but I think we'll look back at 2010 as the year when dogs fought back. I mean, what did cats brings us this year? There was one with a broken jaw and another that stood, but did they dance salsa? No. No they did not.
8. "Auspice" aka The Year in Cable News
You could have watched the cable news this year, or you could have just watched this. They overall effect -- and knowledge learned -- would have been about the same.
7. "Memphis Blac feat. Smokahontas Jones - 'Got Dat Work'" aka The Greatest Song Trina Was Too Classy to Record
People will remember 2010 in female rap as the year of Nicki Minaj, and yet this video also happened. Rapper Memphis Blac (who now goes by Arapahoe, as in "a rapper hoe") recruited her niece, Smokahontas Jones, recorded an ode to their careers as prostitutes, and then flew to Miami to shoot a video in which they dressed up in condoms and Indian headpieces. Nicki who?
6. "Love Rap #1/Love Rap Video #3" aka Squirrel Core, Big in 2011?
I am not entirely sure what is going on here, but I genuinely like this on a musical level. Like, I feel that if this rapping squirrel released and album it'd probably get at least and 8.0 on Pitchfork. Squirrelcore is the new chillwave.
5. "Homeless Man Under Pressure.mov" aka Double Kermits all the way across the sky
Generally I don't like to give money to panhandlers because I'm afraid they're going to spend it on drugs. I am pretty sure this man is not actually on drugs, but if he was they seem to be the best drugs ever. I wouldn't mind shelling out a couple dollar to support that.
4. "PIXELS by Patrick JEAN" aka Video Games Attack New York
We have been fighting this "War on Terrorism" for years now, but why were we too foolish to realize that the real terrorist were in our '80s arcades all along?
3. Pag - The Lady is Dead" aka "visions a dying gay man might have if he were under too many blankets" [NSFW]
No offense to Natalie Portman, but this short film contains the most wonderfully unsettling person prancing about in a tutu this year. Set to The Irreplaceable song "In This Shirt" (they're apparently the band you call when you can get Antony & The Johnsons), it's not a music video proper as some sort of deliciously queer dream/nightmare. Describing this video makes you sound like you're mimicking one of those Stefon sketches from Saturday Night Live: "This video has everything: pearl vajazzling, chunky girls in eye patches playing liver tennis, twinks in black ooze, and at the center of it all is an umbrellaed transgrinder ...you know, it's like that thing where a& transsexual sits underneath a parasol and grinds meat."
2. Rachel Goodrich - Light Bulb OFFICIAL aka Twee as Thug
This is for the five people in Miami who didn't see this, but not including felt wrong. So, Sweat Records held a music video contest for local folkster Rachel Goodrich's single "Lightbulb." Most of the entries, like the song itself, were whimsical as fuck (I don't mean that badly, I just like the phrase "whimsical as fuck"). This, well, it would make Pitbull blush.
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1. "When does a dream become a nightmare?" aka The Olsen Twins on Mescaline
Very Mary-Kate has done admirable work in the field of Olsen twin-inspired viral videos this year, but Elain Carrol's skits don't have anything on the hypnotic creepiness of this. This chopped-and-screwed remix of some segment from an Early '90s Olsen VH1 really reaches levels of inspired macabre when at the 3:40 mark, and then just wait for the "whipped cream flowing like waterfalls" line. We'd say it's the most terrifying Olsen Twin related thing ever, but then we remembered that Mary-Kate's closet exists.