Luke's Gospel: Teaching Warren Sapp and Michael Irvin to avoid dangerous ladies
Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. Up this week, Luke dissects how superstar athletes fall for the pussy trap.
I have to give credit to the Miami-Dade State Attorney's Office for dropping a domestic violence misdemeanor against Warren Sapp, one of many former Miami Hurricanes football players whom I call my friend. Sapp, a seven-time Pro Bowler for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, was arrested this past February 6 before the Super Bowl here in Miami. A woman he had been dating accused him of choking and pushing her, causing her to fall awkwardly. She claimed to be hurt so badly that she had to limp through the hotel lobby with an unknown man helping her.
Turns out she wasn't being honest. I read the assistant state prosecutor's close-out memo. Witnesses said she was "walking in high-heeled stilettos and acting in a jovial manner" as she left the Shore Club. The hotel's video surveillance backed up their accounts. Whatever happened in that hotel room, it didn't go down the way she described it. When the incident occurred, I came out in Sapp's defense. I also defended Michael Irvin, another ex-Hurricane who the same week was sued by a woman claiming he raped her. Charges were never pressed against him.
I defended both of them because I knew they were the real victims.
Sapp and Irvin, like Kobe Bryant and Tiger Woods, fell for the pussy trap — when a woman looking for an easy payday woos a superstar athlete or celebrity by catering to his ego. Eddie Murphy described the pussy trap in his stand-up movie Raw. "They catch you with the pussy is what they do," Eddie explained. And I have warned a lot of ballers before they turn pro about this trap. I told Sapp about it. I've told ex-Seattle Seahawks running back Edgerrin James about it. I've told Minnesota Vikings offensive tackle Bryant McKinnie about it.
I've taken guys to the club to show them how it unfolds: A big-time professional athlete has his own VIP table. He's buying bottles left and right. A group of girls will parade back and forth until he invites them to join him. A girl will start talking to him, telling him she doesn't know anything about football or basketball or whatever sport he plays, how she is not a party girl. That's the one you have to be leery of because she will do the one-night stand and the next day expect more, like a relationship. And when the athlete tells her he is not interested, she hollers rape!
Famous players fall for the pussy trap time and again because they want to believe they are in control. It doesn't work that way. The woman has the advantage. Look at Tiger. All of his mistresses turned on him as soon as they found out he had more than one girl on the side.
Then you have the gold diggers who have children with superstar athletes and use the kids as tools for revenge. Trust me — I know. I learned the hard way. I have kids with three different gold diggers. Those women are the worst. They go into family court and paint the father as the bad guy. Even if the dad is trying to play a role in his kid's life, the baby mama won't let it happen.
The Miami-Dade State Attorney's Office looked at all the facts before rushing into indicting Sapp.
Follow Luke on Twitter: @unclelukereal1.
Get the Weekly Newsletter
Our weekly feature stories, movie reviews, calendar picks and more - minus the newsprint and sent directly to your inbox.