If He Did It

Letters from the Issue of November 30, 2006

Errol, not OJ: While I appreciate the article in your November 23 issue, "If We Did It," about creative solutions to the O.J. infestation here in South Florida, I refuse to believe that O.J. Simpson no longer has a useful role in society. I believe in rehabilitation of alleged criminals, so I have a few thoughts about how O.J. could turn his image around and contribute to a better America.

1. Arrange for Osama bin Laden to start dating one of O.J.'s exes. President Bush hasn't been able to find him for five years, but I suspect O.J. would track down Osama and deal with the problem mighty quick. Also, if the CIA could arrange a Fidel Castro and Hugo Chavez threesome with another of his exes, that could work out pretty well.


"If We Did It"

2. Send O.J. to Iraq. The United States has allegedly been training Iraqi death squads. If so, I can think of no better teacher for a death squad than The Juice. ("Now remember, boys, when you leave the scene afterward, make sure you drive away very slowly in a white Humvee.")

3. If O.J. wants to stay involved in sports, there are numerous suitable positions on the U.S. Olympic team: for example, javelin catcher. (Hey, at the golf driving range, everyone loves to hit balls at the kid in the cart, so the javeliners would have that much more motivation for accuracy).

4. He could work as a crash test dummy for the U.S. auto manufacturers. For too long, Volvo and Volkswagen have been touting their safety records, so Detroit could fight back with a new advertising slogan: "O.J.-tested, O.J.-approved."

5. Sign him up as an organ donor.

Come home, O.J. It's time for you to join society again!

Errol Portman

If Orange Pigs Could Fly

He'd be eating ham: Calvin Godfrey's "The Orange Man Cometh" (November 16) reminds me of a book I once read called The Pig Man, a great mystery novel. Orange Man has the violence of armed robbery and the mystery of the unknown. But of course there's no relation whatsoever.

Vincent La Manna
North Miami Beach

Off Beat

We got no rhythm: Regarding "Rhythm Robots" (November 9) by Jean Carey: The article is completely bogus. The author created rumors about it being the last Daft Punk performance. Being a journalist, she should have verified all of her information and not just thrown things out there. Many people are still not sure about whether her article was a big lie. All it did was create media hype for Bang and drive up ticket sales so they could sell merchandise. Carey has failed her paper and her audience. I hope a public apology or an acknowledgment of her mistake is made soon.

Luis Mejia

Editor's note: Indeed the story was mistaken, and for that we apologize. But as Carey pointed out in The Bitch column November 16, the culprit was concert promoter Alexandra Greenberg of MSO PR in Sherman Oaks, California. "Sorry about leading you to the wrong info," she told Carey.

It's a Huong Story

But one you'll want to hear: As a literature student at Miami Dade College, I am in the midst of putting together an anthology called Surviving Voices with my fellow classmates. The anthology will include interviews with individuals who have experienced oppression and who have a history of living through war: Cuban immigrants, Holocaust survivors, Vietnamese immigrants, and war veterans.

So after reading Carlos Suarez De Jesus's November 2 story, "Make Art, Not War," about Huong's "war-scarred youth," I contacted her via the given Website. I wasn't expecting a response, but I figured I'd try to get her oral narrative — from her life experiences as a child in Vietnam to her new birth in the Americas. A week later she contacted me and I met with the petite, graciously inviting woman.

A graduate of the University of Saigon, Huong was a journalist. When she immigrated to the United States, the language barrier prevented her from pursuing a career in that field. Instead she chose a universal language to express her thoughts of war to others: art.

Without this article, I would not have had the chance to meet with such an influential person. She will add a valuable piece to the puzzle of which I am trying to help put together. I only hope that I can pass her message of peace to others and that her memories of war serve as a lesson for future generations.

"Would you accept that somebody comes into your house and rapes you, takes all your belongings, kills your father, takes your brother away, and all with no justice?... So I am a peace activist, I really believe in it, I believe that we can change the world, and that we can make it."

I think we can make it too.

Marisha Kelly

Klein Rocks

Cynical, yes, but I like it too: I just wanted to mention that I respect Lee Klein's restaurant reviews. His adept writing skills and humorous/cynical anecdotes, which give readers a very exact idea of the food, price, and ambiance, have won me over. I've tried a few restaurants he has critiqued, and he was exact!

Madhuri Rambhatla
Coconut Grove


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