Best Rasta Man
I just wanted to say thank you for recognizing Reggae Beat as the Best Reggae Radio Program in Miami for 1996 ("Best of Miami," May 16). I am sincerely grateful for this gesture and hope that I may continue to carry on Jah Works and provide Miami with the best assortment of ska, rock steady, and reggae music available anywhere.
Keep the good vibes alive!
Best Sour Grapes
The theater cited as Best New Local Theater Company (New World Rep) has produced no new play since opening with Marisol and Faith Healer nearly a year ago. It's a shade shy of being a theater at this point.
South Beach's new EDGE/Theatre has had twelve productions in the past year, with reviewers using terms such as "a work of genius," "fascinating," "hits pay dirt," and, time and again, "a hit." Playing by the Rules had theatergoers waiting in line for a cancellation. South Beach -- The Play ran for nine weeks. It seems to me a new theater should actually bring theater to an audience.
Jim Tommaney, artistic director
Best Flower Power
I was very flattered by the glamorous description of my activities and by the designation of Flowers & Flowers as Best Florist to the Stars. Thank you. What I don't understand is the "to the stars" qualification. Our minimum order for delivery is $35, which is $5 lower than the minimum of the florist you designated simply as Best Florist. We process more $35 orders than at any other price, because not every occasion needs a large expense. Many people find it convenient to call us on any given occasion and just order our minimum when they want to be represented.
Our customers do get star treatment at any price, and that is why New Times readers voted us Best Florist for the fifth year in a row. Celebrities and millionaires are an interesting part of the Flowers & Flowers mix, but I would hate to be dependent on them to keep my doors open. I depend on the real stars -- my devoted customers and friends.
Israel Sands, president
Flowers & Flowers
Best Tall Tale
A desperately thirsty soul walked into the Taurus and asked where he could get the best bloody mary in town. Naturally I assumed he was a New Times reporter in search of the best bloody mary in Miami.
I offered to concoct a bloody mary that would tickle the palate of the most jaded connoisseur. He politely declined. Perhaps the rubber chicken taped to my head made him suspicious of my pharmaceutical skills. Perhaps he feared I might spike the drink with hallucinogens in order to win the coveted award.
The reporter walked outside. I quickly assembled an ambrosial bloody mary and rushed out after him.
The reporter had disappeared. David, the limo driver, was in the Taurus parking lot. I leaped into the limo and begged him to find the reporter. David raced down the street. My heart was pounding. I had visions of winning an award for Best Bloody Mary Delivered by Limousine.
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David spotted the reporter, made a U-turn -- and struck a cab. I was completely drenched by the bloody mary. I staggered from the limo and apologized to the cab driver. He fled in horror.
The reporter had vanished again, the limo driver was angry, the cab driver was horrified, and I was heartbroken. And that, my friends, is the tragic tale of my fruitless bid for immortality.
Butch Beamer Warren
The anonymous author of Best Panthers Player misnamed goalie Mark Fitzpatrick and is herewith publicly chastised.