Faced with a second half deficit and a seemingly inevitable Game Five loss, LeBron James took it upon himself to break the emergency glass surrounding his unstoppableness and unleash it upon the Indiana Pacers. There were no reported survivors. LeBron came out of the halftime locker room ready to make babies, and as a result we are all currently with child.
Down 44-40 to start the Third Quarter, your new baby daddy dropped 16 of the 30 points Miami scored in the frame, in turn transforming what was a four-point deficit into a 13-point Miami lead going into the Fourth. In all, LeBron scored or assisted on 25 of the 30 points the Heat scored in the quarter. That massive Third Quarter would prove to be the difference as Miami went on to beat the Pacers 90-79, taking a three-games-to-two series lead in the process.
The demise of Udonis Haslem was greatly exaggerated. If you didn't know, now you know. For the second game of the series, UD's baseline jumper was locked in. Haslem finished 8-9 from the field for 16 huge fatherless Pacer crushing points. Gigantic clutch infused testicles? Udonis Has-Them.
LeBron James very well could have saved the Miami Heat's season in the third. The last thing anyone needs in their lives is an elimination game on the Pacers home court, and LeBron James made sure none of that nonsense was going down. Shown on TV imploring his teammates to get their heads out of their asses, he decided the hell with them. He was doing it his damn self, and did it he done did.
James outscored the Pacers all by himself in the game-changing quarter 16-13 while also pulling down four boards and dishing out four assists. I need a cigarette after typing that. Remember the time that one guy voted for Carmelo Anthony for MVP instead of LeBron? That turned out well. Whatever is better than MVP, LeBron is that. He has MVP mode and MDK mode (murder death kill to his opponents).
I like to imagine the Sports Science guy completely naked other than a bow tie sucking his thumb while watching that third quarter. Mainly because it would make me feel better if someone else was doing the same thing I was doing at the time. This just got weird. LEBRON JAMES!
Emotions boiled over twice in the game, as Udonis and Birdman both had instances where they found themselves chest-to-chest and face-to-face with a Pacers player. In Birdman's case it was obviously a case of having a empty bag of patience fucks when it came to Tyler Hansbrough's face. A few plays before the altercation, Birdman blocked a Hansbrough shot, and there was noticeable side eyedness. Couple that with past game beef and you get problems. The very next play, Birdman sent a Hansbrough floater into the 3rd row, and promptly let the entire triple A crowd know about it. CAWWWW CAWWWWWWWWW!!!!
Udonis and David West's situation was much different. Everyone knows Udonis lives on the "I wish you would" edge. I bet he stares down his wife when she goes to finish the milk like, "I wish you would finish that milk and see what happens to your milk drinkin ass." David West is no NFL punter, but he zipped that shit right the hell up when UD ran up on him in defense of Chalmers. Nobody yells at Chalmers but us, West. If anyone is eating Mario Chalmers' fruit cup, it's Udonis Haslem.
Exhale Miami, enjoy your Friday night without the brown pants. Miami has not lost back-to-back games since January, and that's exactly what would have to happen to prevent them from meeting the Spurs and making their third straight finals. Saturday night is the Heat's first chance for the fatality blow, here is hoping no game seven is needed Heat fans.
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Beast Mode. We are definitely all witnesses.