LeBron James' Clutch Balls
LeBron James has taken a lot of shit this year. Mainly because he decided to exercise his perfectly legal right to join another team through free agency. SO EVIL! And then he went and celebrated his signing with the Heat in front of the local fans with a fire works show. SO IMPERIOUS!
He's also had to endure sports writers and fans questioning his supposed inability to close out games at crunch time. And then he went and obliterated that nonsense last night. But only Kobe is allowed to want it more! He's truly clutchy!
- LeBron scored the last 10 points of the game, leading the Heat to a 16-0 run that finally finished off the Celtics. He had 33 points for the game, exorcised the Celtics demons, and gave us quite the nifty GIF.
- Last night's game marked the second-straight time Miami's Big Three scored 83 percent of the team's points. Chris Bosh once again got off to a slow start. But he managed to score 14 points on the night. This is good because it's clear that the rest of the Heat outside the Big Three are as useful as a cactus enema.
- Dwyane Wade was absolutely filthy in the first half. D-Wade threw down 23 points in the first half alone when the rest of the Heat were playing like giant mounds of pony shit. If not for MV3 and his amazing feats of awesome, we'd be talking about what a choker LeBron is because of Miami's failure to close out the C's at home. This is why LeBron came to Miami. Because in Cleveland, it was just him and a bunch of meat-headed shitsacks in sneakers. Dwyane Wade > Meat-headed shitsacks in sneakers.
- Hard to believe that the Heat trailed most of the game to a team with a dude with one arm, another dude with a bad back, Paul Pierce's strained vagina, Kevin Garnett running on fumes, and Herpes Mouth.
- When the Heat stopped settling for mid-range jumpers and instead attacked the basket like a young boy on prom night, good things happened.
- At this point, we can declare Mike Bibby legally dead, right?
- Mike Miller is just a sack of bones waddling up and down the court. Also, Mike Miller has no opposable thumbs.
- Four early fouls by Joel Anthony is pretty much the reason why Erik Spoelstra had been starting Zydrunas Ilgauskas at center. Still, Big Z is a suck bomb and should remain on the bench pretty much for the remainder of the post-season.
- With Chicago or Atlanta looming, it's pretty evident that Miami is just going to throw every single body they have on their bench at the center position.
- They were celebrating a semi-final series victory last night on West 49th Street in Hialeah. See, America. We celebrate everything! My Netflix movie arrived in the mail today? LET'S GO HONK OUR CAR HORN IN THE STREETS! The Everglades are on fire? SALSA PARTY!
- BAWSTAN HAAS THA GREATEST FAANS IN THA WORLD! NAWT LIKE YOU MIAMI BANDWAAGHAN QUEEAHS!!
- ESPN personality and all-around leathery assface, Skip Bayless, has made a career out of being a contrarian dick. Bayless has been one of the biggest proponents to the myth of the "clutch gene," as if it were an actual part of someone's DNA to be able to play good basketball extra specially good when the game is on the line. Skip has insisted that LeBron just doesn't have the "clutch gene" and took it upon himself to nickname James "LeBrick." Ornery ballsack faced Buzz Bissinger dedicated an entire Daily Beast column to LeBron's unclutchness
And then this happened:
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