Lauren Tannehill Still Causing Sportswriters to Have Embarrassing E-Boners
It's been more than a week since Ryan Tannehill officially became the Dolphins QB of the future. The pick was supposed to inspire excitement in the Dolphins fan base, but so far it has mostly caused excitement in the pants of geeky sportswriters across the web. That is, of course, thanks to his wife, Lauren Tannehill.
Yeah, bros, she's pretty gorgeous, but can you chill out? It's starting to get creepy.
Mrs. Tannehill is obviously tan, thin, blond, and a fresh-faced. She's pretty in a way that makes her look like she could have been a cast member on MTV's The Hills. She's near the apex of America's ideal of mainstream attractiveness.
Miami.com reports there were nearly 800 tweets made about her in the ten minutes after her hubby was selected by the Dolphins. Her amateur modeling page and Twitter picture pages were quickly found and spread across the web. At least 94 articles cached in Google News mention her, and that's not counting all the other amateur blogs and non-news sites that posted about Mrs. Tannehill.
Sports nerds acted like they had never seen a pretty girl before. At a certain point it, went from "look, here are pictures of a pretty girl," to "look at what I have a boner over."
Yesterday, NFL.com, the official site of the league that now employs her husband, left a jizz stain of an article on the Internet titled "It's Lauren Tannehill's world; we're just living in it."
Mrs. Tannehill is pretty and young and impossibly blonde...
Look no further than NFL.com to understand Mrs. Tannehill's accidental grasp on the zeitgeist. A photo gallery featuring Tannehill as the cover image is by far the most trafficked piece of content on the site this week. We're essentially Laurenfl.com at this point. There's no fighting it.
If I were Ryan Tannehill, I'd be just a bit creeped out that the organization I now work for is posting articles about how hot my wife is on its official website. Just a bit.
You get the sense these guys can't wait to order their Tannehill Dolphins jerseys just so they can dress their hands up in a blond wig.
Undoubtedly, this isn't the last we've heard of Mrs. Tannehill. We'd bet good money that someone at Ocean Drive is pushing for a spread for the August or September issue. If Mr. Tannehill actually plays well, we wouldn't be surprised if Sports Illustrated did everything in its power to get Lauren in their next swimsuit issue.
Can you all just be a bit more discreet about it in the future, though? The idea of dudes furiously typing away (one-handed?) at their computers because they saw a picture of a pretty girl is slightly disturbing.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you'll never miss Miami New Times' biggest stories.