Tenth time's a charm? Probably not for the Miami Marlins and looney-tunes owner Jeffrey Loria.
With the firing of manager Mike Redmond this past Sunday, the Marlins are now on their tenth manger in only 12 years of Loria's ownership. Just about every previous manager left the house on fire on the way out, and Redmond was no exception. The Marlins don't just fire guys; they go out of their way to make it messier and more public than a Taylor Swift breakup.
This time, Loria basically poured gasoline onto a house fire by choosing an "out-of-the-box" candidate to replace Redmond: general manager Dan Jennings. Yes, the same Dan Jennings who last coached a high-school team in the '80s. The same man who has put together the group of players Loria has consistently found out suck after the fact and, in turn, blamed that suck on the manager. It's a beautifully ironic sequence of events.
In honor of the 11th manager who will surely replace Jennings in the near future, here's a look back at all the poor humans who had to manage a baseball team owned by Jeffrey Loria. Pity them.
Jeff Torborg (2002-2003)
It took Loria all of 40 games as Marlins owner to fire his first manager, and in true Loria fashion, the reasoning was he thought the Marlins would be awesome, but one-fourth of the way into the season, they weren't as awesome as he had hoped. Loria had known Torborg for 20 years, but that didn't stop him from sending his ass packing even though four of the five starting pitchers (AJ Burnett, Josh Beckett, Mark Redman, Michael Tejera) were hurt. "We actually embraced, and probably there was a tear in both of our eyes. But we needed to make this change for the betterment of the team,'' Loria said of his informing Torborg of his decision the day of the firing.
Jack McKeon (2003-2005)
McKeon took over for Torborg and promptly led the Marlins to their most memorable season to date, a year that concluded with an improbable World Series title, the franchise's first under Loria (the Fish had won another in 1997 under different ownership). By 2005, though, he was over it and stepped down midseason. "The last couple of years, I haven't had as much fun as I'd like," McKeon said. "Since I'm the leader, I'll take full responsibility for the poor year we had."
Joe Girardi (2006)
Girardi was the National League Manager of the Year in his only season with the Fish. And then he was fired. Girardi was done for after he told Loria to calm his ass down during a game when Loria was yelling at the umpire from the stands. Girardi, aware he would have plenty of opportunities elsewhere, wasn't all that broken up about being let go. "It was short, brief, and unemotional," he said.
Fredi Gonzalez (2007-2010)
In a shocking turn of events, Loria once again fired a manager because he thought his assortment of mediocre, low-paid ballplayers were more awesome, and it was the manager's fault that they weren't winning a bunch of games. "We can do better and be better," Loria said the day Gonzalez was fired, pointing out that the season was a playoffs-or-bust year and that the team was trending in the "bust" direction.
Edwin Rodriguez (2010-2011)
After a 1-18 June, Rodriguez quit before he could be fired. It had become apparent he wouldn't stick with the team much longer, and — wait for it — team execs thought the players' talent didn't match the record he had gotten out of them. Once again, in the spring, the Marlins' owners thought their team is great, and by June they were lighting fire to the trees outside the stadium, screaming, "THIS ISN'T OUR FAULT!"
Brandon Hyde (2011)
So, this guy happened. It's on the internet, so it must have legitimately occurred.
Jack McKeon (2011)
"Guess who's back, back again. Jack is back, tell a friend. Guess who's back, yes it's Jack. Guess who's back, yes it's Jack. Dun-na-na-na. Na. na. na." It was 2011, and the Marlins were back where they started, bringing in good old "Trader Joe," who was born in 1930, to fix their roster full of low-paid Walmart-brand Equate players. Spoiler alert: Did not happen.
Ozzie Guillen (2012)
"It was a disappointment, no doubt about it," Larry Beinfest said at the time of Guillen's firing. Ya, think? Here it comes: "We all felt we had a pretty good ball club coming out of spring training, and we just didn't play well." This came after the Marlins traded midseason all the high-priced, broken players they had just signed that year and left Guillen with a Triple-A team to manage.
Mike Redmond (2013-2015)
Worst. Kept. Secret. Ever. The Marlins were rumored to be wanting to replace Redmond earlier this year and then shot down those rumors all like, "You guys are so dumb!" and then this week, in fact, fired Redmond. Asked why he fired him, Loria said, "A Marlin isn't a flounder!" For real, he said that.
Dan Jennings (2015)
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This will not end well.
And now, in closing, a song from Dan Sharfin about Jeffrey Loria.