Jeb Bush to Tour the Country in Ronald Reagan Cover Band
After a string of embarrassing setbacks in his life, Jeb "Elwood" Bush reconnected with his old friend John "Jack" McCain and is set to undertake "a mission from God" to save their childhood home, the GOP, from foreclosure by getting the old band back together. Never mind that Jeb and John have never been together in anything resembling a band. This would ruin the almost perfect Blues Brothers analogy: A bunch of fat white guys in cheap suits traveling the country trying to entice old friends/voters back into the fray by performing the music/ideas of greats that came before them in a presumably comical manner. There will also be a huge police chase scene, because according to wingnuts everywhere, Janet Napolitano recently directed law enforcement to round up all conservatives everywhere.
No, but seriously, Bush, McCain and a host of other Republican luminaries are set to appear at a string of town halls across the nation to prove the GOP is more than the party of no and that they actually have ideas of their own -- or ideas they keep rehashing from Reagan.
Looking to rebrand a struggling Republican Party, a group of party
heavyweights including former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush and Sen. John
McCain (R-Arizona) are launching a new group that will hold town halls
around the country and look to produce GOP ideas on issues like
education and health care.
Republicans will announce today the creation of the "National
Council for a New America," a group led by congressional party leaders
that includes Bush, McCain, former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney
and Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal as its "national panel of experts."
Charlie Crist got wind of the plan and was like, "Hey, girl, heard you were starting a band. Are you gonna do show tunes?"
"Charlie, no offense, but I think we've got the full lineup we need," replied Bush.
"Are you guys gonna wear sequined costumes?"
"Goddammit, Charlie, we're not gonna wear sequins."
"Fine, I don't wanna be in your stupid band anyway. I'll just get Susan Collins and Olympia Snowe and start my own band: Charlie Crist & the Moderattes."
"Whatever, Charlie, Whatever. Tell the wife I said hi and that I think she must be a very brave woman."