America hates the Miami Heat. That much is clear. The relationship is so bad that everything LeBron and company do — film commercials, make layups, eat pasta, wipe back to front, whatever — draws the ire of the entire nation. Case in point: Dallas Mavericks shooting guard Jason Terry gets a tattoo of the Larry O'Brien NBA Championship Trophy on his right bicep, yet somehow the Heat is blamed for early celebrations.
When Dwyane Wade left his hand in the air after swishing a three-pointer to put the Heat up by 15 in Game 2 of the finals, Terry took offense. He followed Wade toward half-court, cussing him out. When the Mavericks came back to win in the dying seconds, Terry cited Wade's celebratory gesture as inspiration.
So pardon our schadenfreude, but we hope the Heat destroys Dallas and Terry's stupid tattoo comes back to haunt him. Just in case he doesn't want a painful reminder of his shortcomings permanently inked on his arm, however, we've come up with five ways to transform the tattoo to hide his arrogance:
• Beautiful butterfly: Terry is obviously a sensitive guy. Why else would he flip out when Wade simply followed through on a sweet shot? So maybe a nice, colorful arthropod on his arm would boost his self-esteem above douchebag level. Just add some wings to the existing tat, and voila.
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• Propeller plane: Despite his nickname and his own annoying airplane celebrations, Terry is not really much of a jet. Instead, his tattoo should feature an old-timey plane that's just like him: slow and prone to breaking down in the clutch.
• Ice-cream cone: Maybe Dallas's defeat will be so crushing that Terry will go off the rails in Gucci Mane fashion. If he does, he already has the rapper's ice-cream cone tattoo halfway done — just in a slightly more subtle spot.
• Jason Terry: He's tall and bald, just like the trophy. The tattoo practically inks itself. Besides, meta-tattoos are in these days. It would be an RIP to his own naiveté.
• Penis: Why not? The basic design is already there. Plus it's less embarrassing than admitting you got a trophy tattooed on your arm before you actually won it.