Between the state of the condo market, parking on South Beach, and the final price tag for the new Marlins stadium, Miamians have suffered through plenty of real-life horrors. So for Halloween parties this year, Riptide is going to put away the Freddy mask and show up in homemade costumes inspired by the Magic City.
Here's how to dress up as your favorite Miamian:
Fighter Kimbo Slice: Shave the top of your head. Attach a fake beard. Lie flat on your back for the duration of the party. (Gallon of fake blood optional.)
Producer Scott Storch: Every Miamian has the Tony Montana
costume on annual standby. You know, a bathrobe, a bit of flour
rubbed around the nostrils, and a toy machine gun. Here's the new
classic: Everything else remains the same, but replace the gun with a
piece of paper reading, in bright red print, "Eviction."
Dwyane Wade: Wear a Chicago Bulls jersey while holding a 2010 calendar.
Gov. Charlie Crist: It doesn't really matter what you put on:
When you get to the party, find the nearest closet and hide in it. For
the next 40 years.
Jennifer Lopez: Stuff newspaper down the back of your pants.
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Keep stuffing. Go on. Just a bit more for the left cheek -- there you go.
OK, now get in a nightclub shooting with your marginally talented
rapper boyfriend and never be heard from again!