Hordes of Rabid Shirley MacLaine Fans Will Set Fire to Key West, Warns Florida Man
A lot of weird things happen in Florida each week. On Friday, we're here to bring you the weirdest. This week: A man warns police that Shirley MacLaine will command her personal army of fans to burn down Key West, a fan of Norse mythology takes on police, and a Star Wars fan gets assaulted by his very upset girlfriend.
Man Claims Shirley MacLaine Fans Will Burn Down Key West
Who doesn't like Shirley MacLaine at least a little? She's been working steadily in Hollywood for more than 60 years. She's won an Oscar, an Emmy, and a handful of Golden Globes. She deserves our respect.
But would you take to the streets of Key West with torches to burn the city down on Shirley MacLaine's orders? No, of course not. It's not like she's Beyoncé and Key West is a town full of women named Becky who happen to have good hair.
However, that's what 64-year-old artist William Selesnick warned would happen.
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This past Thursday, Selesnick called police to tell them "that a series of fires would be set by followers of Hollywood actress Shirley MacLaine," according to KeysNet. He then said the fires would be followed by cleansing rains — because, apparently, MacLaine controls not only an army of devoted arsonists but also the weather.
Officer Todd Stevens asked Selesnick if the fires were real or just metaphorical. Selesnick told him he'd have to wait to find out. An officer then stopped by the guest house where Selesnick was staying and detected a strong odor of marijuana. The officer then discovered a mound of pot in the man's room. Selesnick asked if could roll a joint. The officer said no and arrested him on possession charges. A day later, after being released, Selesnick was shot in the leg in a seemingly unrelated argument.
Florida Man Threatens Police With Viking Ax While Yelling "Come on, Valhalla!"
We guess Stanley Tonkin's favorite member of the Avengers is Thor. The 42-year-old Redington Shores resident certainly seems well-versed in Norse mythology.
Officers from the Indian Shores Police Department arrived at Tonkin's home last weekend in response to a domestic violence call. They found that Tonkin had locked himself inside. His wife was waiting outside. Police kicked in the door and found Tonkin standing there with a Viking-style ax and shouting, "Come on, Valhalla!" In Norse mythology, Valhalla is basically a big fancy club in the sky where warriors go after they die in combat.
Three officers surrounded Tonkin. One had a handgun drawn, while two others aimed their Tasers. Police decided to go with the stun guns, and Tonkin was detained.
His wife later said he had been mixing alcohol with his regular medication. The ax was merely decorative but had a metal head.
Woman Arrested for Assault by Stormtrooper
Leny Alagao was seduced by the Dark Side. She didn't listen to the sage wisdom of Master Yoda.
You see, fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to beating your boyfriend with his own Stormtrooper action figure.
This past April 10, police in Port St. Lucie responded to a reported disturbance. They went to the back of the home in question and witnessed Alagao using a two-foot-tall plastic Stormtrooper doll to strike her boyfriend. Police broke the fight up without the use of lightsabers. The boyfriend didn't want to press charges, but Alagao was still cuffed. She explained she was angry at her boyfriend but didn't intend to hit him with the Stormtrooper.
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