Hialeah Ranks as One of the Least "Douchey" Cities in America
Even the fiercest defender's of Miami-Dade's pride must admit we have our fair share of douchebags. Counterintuitively, a new "analysis" by real estate site Estately claims that of America's 100 biggest cities, not only does the City of Miami proper rank low on the douche spectrum, but Hialeah also is actually one of the ten least douchebag-heavy cities in all of the USA.
To determine the "Top U.S. Cities for Douchebags," the site looked at the percentage of males in each city who liked certain Facebook pages for some key douche indicators. Those included Nickelback, Monster Energy, Axe (brand), Don Ed Hardy, Vin Diesel, Chris Brown, Tosh.0, mixed martial arts, Bluetooth, and Dane Cook.
Miami, as it turns out, came in only 71st -- or as the 30th worst city for douchebags, if you will. Miami had particularly low levels of fans of Axe body spray, Tosh.0, Nickelback, and mixed martial arts. However, Miami still has some affinity for Ed Hardy (27th overall) and Vin Diesel (23rd overall).
Hialeah is the real shocker. It came in 91st -- or the tenth least douchey. Yes, a city that residents fondly refer to as "Hia-Fucking-Leah" is douche-deprived, apparently. Hialeah residents were at or very near the bottom for affinity for Ed Hardy, Axe, Dane Cook, Nickelback, and Bluetooth.
The one thing preventing Hialeah from being even less douchey: Vin Diesel. Apparently, Hialeahans love Vinny. They ranked seventh overall for their Diesel affinity.
Now, at first we thought that perhaps the site's douchebag criteria was a bit too, well, middle-of-the-country white, but the most douchey areas are actually Hispanic-heavy cities in South Texas. Laredo came in first, followed by El Paso and San Antonio in the top three.
As it also turns out, Miami and Hialeah are the least douchey cities in Florida. Orlando is 28th, Jacksonville is 33rd, Tampa is 41st, and Saint Pete is 69th.
San Francisco was the second least douchey, followed by nearby Fremont, California, in the top spot.
Neither Miami Beach nor Fort Lauderdale was included in the analysis, because, yes, we know you were wondering.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss Miami New Times' biggest stories.