Let's kick things off with Pepe Billete's Heat fight song!
PEPE BILLETE FOR MAYOR!!!
Also, Carlos Gimenez has the early lead for county mayor. But that's with just a small percent of the precincts reporting. Kind of like saying the game is over when Mario Chalmers checks in.
8:44- The Heat seem to be off to one of their notorious slow starts as the Bulls start the game on an 11-2 run. Meanwhile Wade missed a dunk. WE'RE DOOOMED!!!!
8:47- Midway though the first quarter, Joakim Noah hasn't used any derogatory slurs. Unless you count his body odor as one.
8:49- With 6:07 left in the first quarter, the Heat are in the bonus. They only have two field goals so far, so this should come in handy.
8:52- Derrick Rose is off to a fast start, as expected. He's exploding to the rim. Also exploding: the TNT announcing crew whenever Rose does something good.
10:28- Heat pushing it down the floor, clock winding down, LeBron dribbles, he finds Mike Miller all alone in the corner for a three-pointer. Mike Miller shoots!!! ANNDD....
10:29- After three, it's the Bulls 68 - Miami 63. Looks like we're gonna need MetaLeBron to save the night, or else the Heat's heading to Chi-town tied 2-2 and all the haters will unite in a worldwide circle jerk.
10:34- MIKE MILLER LIVES! HE'S SLOWLY FALLING APART LIKE A WET MUMMY... BUT HE LIVES NONETHELESS!!
10:43- The Bulls have remained in this game by sheer virtue of loose-ball-never-fucking-bouncing-to-a-Heat-player-ever. Miami up 72-71.
10:48- Wade has been absolutely light a sack of shit on fire awful tonight.
10:51- The Heat treat the basketball like it's been dipped in syphilis, refuse to pick it up. This leads to more Bulls points. Chicago up by three.
10:55- Game tied 80-80 with 2:53 remaining. Testes shriveling angst.
11:02- Heat up by one with one-minute left. Holy and fuck.
11:07- 23 seconds remaining. Game tied. Heat ball.
11:11- Ref with a goat piss awful foul call on LeBron gives the Bulls the ball with 8 seconds. The Humblest Human Person Alive Ever takes the final shot and misses. We are headed to overtime. Shit. Just. Got. Real.
11:18- Chris Bosh has all four points of overtime so far. Someone must've said something derogatory about his mama.
11:21- WADE! HE HEARD MY CRIES OF ANGST AND YEARNING!
11:22- LEBRON JAMES AIN'T CARE!
11:26- D-Wade with the steal and then the layup. HE IS RISEN! Heat up by 6.
11:30- D-Wade viciously blocks Derrick Rose's shot attempt. D-Wade shits in the so-called MVP's mouth.
11:32- 99-93 Heat lead with 6 seconds remaining. Crowd chanting "BARKLEY SUCKS!" Awesome.
11:36- HEAT WIN!!! Series now 3-1!!! Who's mayor? Who gives a raccoon's ass? Thanks for stopping by!!!! Exclamation points!!!