Monday, December 29, 2008 at 3:18 p.m.
The years coinciding with George W. Bush's Presidency were sort of like a 1-15 season for America. We got our asses handed to us repeatedly by teams like the Wall Street Crashers, the Saudi Oilers, the Heartland Morality Police, the Gulf Coast Hurricanes, the Main Street Mortgage Meltdowns, the Detroit Bailouts, and the Langley Torturers, and we're stuck in a tragic overtime against the Iraqi Insurgents in a game we really should have been better prepared for.
To be fair to both Dubya and losing former Dolphins coach Cam Cameron, there were obviously circumstances beyond their control, but when it came time to call the big plays both of them messed up big time.
So, the Miami Dolphins found this inexperienced guy with a funny sounding name to take the reins of their team and he orchestrated the biggest turn around in NFL history. America, too, has an inexperienced guy with an even funnier sounding name poised to start calling the shots, and more than just franchise pride is on the line.
Of course Miami isn't playing other teams. I'm naive/patriotic enough to believe we're playing in a league of our own (sure the China Reds are making a bid to join the Super Power league, but we'll see how that plays out). We're playing against our legacy, against what America should be (*fireworks* *cue that song "Proud to be an American"* *crying eagle* ). Think of it like this: the '72 Dolphins are analogous to the '76 Founding Fathers, and we just keep hoping that we'll come somewhere close to that again.
But Obama doesn't need to coach a perfect season. He just needs to get us in playoff contention again. Even a winning record would be nice.
He's probably going to have to pull some crazy tricks, like whatever the economic equivalent of the Wildcat offense is, to get us there, but he's already taking some Sparano tips. He's got a former franchise rival on QB in Hillary Clinton, and he's got the dude who sometimes says things so stupid that sometimes you think he should be kept away from microphones in Joe Biden.
So maybe it's asking a lot for the Fighting Red, White and Blue to go from 1-15 to division champs in as little as a year, but if the Miami Dolphins of all entities can do it, Obama better come close. (oh, and lets hope the star player of the Wall Street Crashers goes out in the first game with a season ending injury.)