Floridian Steals Neighbor's Obama Sign Because It Tells Burglars Unarmed "Half-Wits" Live There
When a man in Sarasota repeatedly took Obama signs off his neighbor's lawn, he wanted to let her know it wasn't just vandalism. See, he was looking out for everyone's safety by not letting burglars know that weak-kneed, Second Amendment-hating liberals lived there. He even sent her a postcard helpfully explaining his motives.
"When thieves ... see pro-Democrat yard signs, they automatically think that the subdivision is filled with retards and half-wits," the man wrote to his neighbor. "It is common knowledge amongst burglars that Democrats are anti-gun."
Really! The woman, Jill Green, even gave WWSB, the local ABC affiliate, a copy of the postcard. Check it out:
The neighbor signed the postcard "Bat Masterson," a 1950s NBC show, which at least narrows down the suspects to the elderly. (In a Sarasota subdivision, that's about as helpful as looking for a German in a black turtleneck at Art Basel.)
On the flip side of the card are photos of Obama and Reagan, with ZERO and HERO respectively beneath their faces.
"As far as I know, no one else has received a postcard like this," Green tells WWSB. "It was scary and it was creepy, because the person says they lived around the corner from me."
Come on, Jill -- the guy's just looking out for you! Even better, he's made it abundantly clear that he's heavily armed and willing to use his arsenal.
What's there to worry about?
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you'll never miss Miami New Times' biggest stories.