Florida vs. Texas: Which State Has More F#*cked Up Crime? Our Expert Decides
Illustration by Alvaro Diaz-Rubio
Whenever the world reads a bizarre headline, the first question is always: "Did it happen in Florida or Texas?" Scientists, after all, have proven that 98.7 percent of truly messed up crimes originate the two Southern states. But that begs the question: Which is truly the most WTF state in the union?
To settle this once and for all, Miami New Times challenged our sister paper, the Houston Press, to a showdown. We each picked 11 of our stories from the past year, then matched them head-to-head. Former True Crime Report editor Pete Kotz acts as the arbiter.
The categories range from Animal Husbandry -- where Kotz is forced to pick between the tale of a Broward man who finger-banged a Chihuahua and a Texan caught on surveillance film screwing horses -- to Courtroom Shenanigans, where we've matched up the saga of a South Florida drug trafficking suspect who wore a shirt printed with precise instructions on cooking crack cocaine to a sentencing with the Texas story of a kid peeing in a trashcan in front of a judge.
Needless to say, Kotz was driven to heavy drinking by this assignment.
We could tell you who won, but you're better off checking out the full battle yourself.
Viva la Sunshine State!
Follow Miami New Times on Facebook and Twitter @MiamiNewTimes.
Get the Weekly Newsletter
Our weekly feature stories, movie reviews, calendar picks and more - minus the newsprint and sent directly to your inbox.