Florida vs. Texas: Which State Has More F#*cked Up Crime? Our Expert Decides
Illustration by Alvaro Diaz-Rubio
Whenever the world reads a bizarre headline, the first question is always: "Did it happen in Florida or Texas?" Scientists, after all, have proven that 98.7 percent of truly messed up crimes originate the two Southern states. But that begs the question: Which is truly the most WTF state in the union?
To settle this once and for all, Miami New Times challenged our sister paper, the Houston Press, to a showdown. We each picked 11 of our stories from the past year, then matched them head-to-head. Former True Crime Report editor Pete Kotz acts as the arbiter.
The categories range from Animal Husbandry -- where Kotz is forced to pick between the tale of a Broward man who finger-banged a Chihuahua and a Texan caught on surveillance film screwing horses -- to Courtroom Shenanigans, where we've matched up the saga of a South Florida drug trafficking suspect who wore a shirt printed with precise instructions on cooking crack cocaine to a sentencing with the Texas story of a kid peeing in a trashcan in front of a judge.
Needless to say, Kotz was driven to heavy drinking by this assignment.
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We could tell you who won, but you're better off checking out the full battle yourself.
Viva la Sunshine State!
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