Florida Supervillain Steals 4 Million Pounds of Citrus Fruit
Illustration by Alvaro Diaz-Rubio
A lot of weird things happen in Florida every single week, and on Fridays, we're here to bring you the weirdest.
This week: Florida's Captain Citrus gets the arch-nemesis he deserves, a mother steals her 12-year-old daughter's ex-boyfriend, a middle-aged white lady has so much trust in police that she called them to report she got ripped off in a marijuana deal, and a man catches felony charges for stealing a cheap spoon so he could eat his Cap'n Crunch.
Florida Man Steals 4 Million Pounds of Citrus Fruit
Did you know that last year, the Florida Department of Citrus paid Marvel Comics to design an orange-themed superhero? It's true, and his name is Captain Citrus. Have a look for yourself:
But every good superhero needs an archenemy. Batman has the Joker, the Fantastic Four have Dr. Doom, Wonder Woman has, uh, well, most good superheroes need an iconic villain, and the point is that Captain Citrus lacked one. Evil Professor Scurvy hasn't really been a threat since the 1800s, you know.
However, now he has one. Meet Bradley Reiter.
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This evil genius somehow stole 4 million pounds of citrus. That's literally a half-million dollars' worth of citrus by wholesale cost — or about $8 million if he were selling it at Whole Foods retail prices.
How'd he do it? He tricked five citrus growers into thinking he was a licensed citrus dealer. He entered into agreements with individuals and companies and then sent equipment to harvest their fields. Then, police say, he made off with the fruity haul and never paid for it. It turns out he isn't a licensed citrus dealer.
Florida Mom Steals Her 12-Year-Old Daughter's Boyfriend
There's a fine line between a Jerry Springer Show episode and a weird Florida news story, and one of those lines is the age of consent.
Mom steals her daughter's boyfriend? Totally Jerry Springer.
Mom steals her 12-year-old daughter's boyfriend? Weird Florida tragedy.
The incident in question happened in Port St. Lucie. Apparently, Heather Phillips, 40, took a liking to the 15-year-old boy her daughter brought home. So much so that when the teenagers broke up, Phillips made her move two months later. The pair apparently had sex multiple times from mid-August until early September. The boy claimed they did it seven times in one night alone and that they also regularly had sex at a park, but he says that sometimes he felt forced into the sex. The victim decided to go to the police when Phillips sent him a text message saying that she had gotten pregnant and was going to get an abortion.
Police confronted Phillips at the daycare center where she worked. She admitted to the sex but said she was only joking about the pregnancy. She's now charged with two counts of lewd and lascivious behavior/sexual activity with a child under the age of 16.
via NBC Miami
Woman Calls 911 to Complain She Got Ripped Off in a Weed Deal
Some people seem to have the idea that public trust in police is at an all-time low, but apparently there are folks out there who trust the police so damn much that they call them to report they got ripped off in a weed deal.
Erin Klich, 36 of Fort Myers, apparently has not gotten the memo that marijuana is still very much illegal in Florida. She had agreed to buy $75 worth of marijuana from a dealer, but the dealer never came through with the goods after taking her money. So Klich called 911.
Police found her outside the drug dealer's home still on the phone with 911. Except they ended up cuffing her on charges of misusing the 911 system. They also found about five grams of marijuana on her.
Now, I know most of you are aren't this stupid, but there is a hidden lesson here that may come in handy: Don't buy $75 worth of weed from a dealer you don't know or trust straight off the bat. That's just stupid.
Man Charged With Felony for Stealing a $1.12 Spoon From Walmart
Gregg Lerner of St. Petersburg got stopped walking out of a Walmart last week by security. Turns out he was trying to make off with a spoon worth a grand total of $1.12. The Walmart security guard detained him until police arrived, at which point, and we quote the police report, he “advised that he did steal the spoon, for he needed one to eat his Cap'n Crunch with.”
Despite this sounding like the most stoner of crimes, Lerner did not have any drugs on him.
He did, however, have two prior convictions for theft on his record, so he was automatically charged with a felony. Yes, for stealing a cheap spoon.
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