No one would ever call Rondell Johnson a good criminal. A creative one? Perhaps. But an adroit practitioner of the malignant arts? Never.
The Jacksonville man's fecklessness was once again laid bare in Winnipeg, Canada, earlier this week when a local trial court convicted him of robbing a bank. During the caper, he brandished a fake gun while dressed as a clown. A female clown. With big boobs. That were really Nerf balls.
Luckily, the Winnipeg Sun was hot on the story. According to its account, the carefully hatched plan was off to a rocky start from the get-go.
On a December afternoon last year, the 40-year-old Johnson, dressed like a mollied-out Burning Man partier, barged into a Crosstown Civic Credit Union. The clown wanted cash. So he drew a fake weapon from a pea-green knapsack emblazoned with a frowny face and was immediately bequeathed with traceable "bait" money. Then he vamoosed.
He didn't make it far. And the cops didn't need to do too much gum-shoeing to catch Johnson, who, according to a Duval County court record survey, has been convicted of four felonies, including aggravated battery with a deadly weapon in 1992 and trafficking more than 28 grams of cocaine in 2004. They simply followed his footprints in the snow (it's unclear whether he was wearing clown shoes). A 15-minute walk away, they found Johnson in an open field with a bag full of white gloves, a blond wig, a mask, Nerf balls, and stolen cash.
Still, Johnson, being a sly devil, denied he'd robbed the bank. But the trial judge wasn't convinced. "Whoever had that bag was in that bank," Judge John Guy said. "I am convinced beyond a reasonable doubt Mr. Johnson is the clown robber who committed the offence."
At trial, Johnson provided no explanation as to how he wasn't the robber, and was sentenced to eight years in prison. The Sun reports he'll face immediate deportation upon his release. So we have that to look forward to.
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