Florida Man Claims He's Half Orangutan and Director of the CIA After Being Arrested
Mark Loescher tried to tell police he couldn't go to jail. See, Loescher is actually half orangutan and needed to get to the "Fusion Center" as soon as possible to check on his monkey blood. All of this is actually a matter of national importance too, since Loescher also claims to be the director of the C.I.A. Police didn't believe him and he ended up behind bars.
The incident started when a woman noticed Loescher sitting in front of a smoking car outside of a bank in Naples, Florida. When the woman informed him that smoke was coming from his car, Loescher replied by pulling out a gun. Needless to say, the woman called police.
They arrived to find Loescher still sitting in the car with a woman in the front passenger seat, but Loescher wasn't ready to comply with their demands.
According to the Naples Daily News, he told them he needed to get to the "Fusion Center" to get his monkey blood worked on and repeatedly informed the deputies that he was director of the C.I.A.
Loescher also claimed to be Elvis Presely's brother, and a close friend of another noted and powerful half-ape: "President Bush." Loescher claimed he even shares an attorney with Bush.
After finding no evidence of a C.I.A. identification, the deputies arrested Loescher on charges of aggravated assault with a weapon.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss Miami New Times' biggest stories.
- Marco Rubio on Cecil the Lion: "But What About Abortion?"
- Dolphins Bring Back Old Logo and Throwback Uniforms for One Game
- Hillary Clinton to Speak at FIU on Friday (She's Just Not Sure If You're Invited or Not)