Florida Man Attempting to Time Travel Crashes Into Strip Mall

Florida Man Attempting to Time Travel Crashes Into Strip Mall
Illustration by Alvaro Diaz-Rubio

A lot of weird things happen in Florida every week, and Fridays we're here to bring you the weirdest. This week: a failed time traveler, a shy butt-plug enthusiast, and a woman who just couldn't take her husband's flatulence anymore. 

Florida Man Attempting to Time Travel Crashes Into Strip Mall
Photo via WEAR

Man Attempting to Time Travel Crashes Into Building 
While most people spent last weekend reveling in Star Wars nostalgia, one man up in Pensacola apparently was thinking more about Back to the Future. In fact, apparently he thought all he needed to do to time travel was to get his car moving fast enough just like in the movie. 

Instead, he ended up crashing into three businesses. According to the Pensacola News Journal, the still unidentified driver was trying to time travel on Sunday with his Dodge Challenger, but he just created a hole in a strip mall instead. Charges weren't immediately filed, but the man was taken to a hospital for an evaluation.

Three businesses, including a casket retailer and a tax services office, were closed due to the crash. Thankfully, no one, including the driver, was seriously injured. 

Florida Man Attempting to Time Travel Crashes Into Strip Mall

Butt-Plug Bandit Says He Was Too Embarrassed to Buy One
Christopher Masters was a bit too embarrassed to bring his purchases to the cashier at the Spencer's Gift Shop in Vero Beach, Florida. So instead he shoved the "screw butt plug" and "stroker can" down his khaki shorts and tried to steal them back on December 10. 

Bad idea. Masters was caught by employees and arrested. He acknowledged that he had the money to buy the two items but was simply too embarrassed to pay in person.  

Masters was charged with a single count of shoplifting and was released after posting his $500 bail. Hopefully he's learned the lesson timid folks everywhere already know: buy your sex toys online. 

Florida Man Attempting to Time Travel Crashes Into Strip Mall
image via WFTS

Woman Arrested For Beating Husband Over His Farts
Dawk Meikle's husband was farting in bed, so who could blame her for trying to get him to stop. She began elbowing him, but her husband kept mining for gas. So Meikle, 55, kept punching and kicking. The squirmish turned into a full-fledged fight after Meikle's husband attempted to restrain her. The man eventually received about seven to eight scratches on his chest and had his shirt torn in three different places. The incident happened in the early hours of December 11 in Port St. Lucie. Meikle was charged with domestic battery. 


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