Florida Man Accidentally Texts Narcotics Officer, Tries to Buy Weed
Illustration by Alvaro Diaz-Rubio
A lot of weird things happen in Florida every week, and every Friday we're here to bring you the weirdest. This week: a man who really should pay more attention when he's adding a new number to his phone, another man who stole the world's greatest treasures, and a woman whose boastful shirt proved to be correct.
Phone Number Mixup Leads to Man Planning Drug Deal With Narcotics Officer
Important life tip: When you exchange numbers with someone, go ahead and send one of those "hi lol it's me :)" texts while you're still face-to-face to confirm you've entered the number correctly. It's awkward, but if you know it'll be especially important to text that person later, it could save you some trouble.
Take, for example, William Lamberson, a 29-year-old from Port St. Lucie. He tried to text a buddy he had recently met, but it turns out he had saved the number wrong by one digit and instead ended up texting Capt. Brian Bergen, head of the Martin County Sheriff's Office narcotics division.
Lamberson opened the text convo with "We met at 7-11 remember man."
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Though we can't confirm these statistics, we believe something like 64 percent of all people's relationships that began at a 7-Eleven were probably between a dealer and client, so obviously this was Bergen's first clue that something shady was up.
Lamberson eventually brought up that he was looking for "green." The police captain said no but then asked Lamberson if he had any "hooks" for some "blow." This lingo should have been Lumberton's clue that he was talking to a middle-aged white man, but he didn't notice and texted back that he did. He eventually agreed to meet to provide cocaine at a pool hall, but instead of his 7-Eleven friend waiting for him, it was the police.
Man Arrested for Stealing Most Precious Treasures: Pizza and Naps
Sure, our economic system may assign higher monetary value to things like diamonds and gold, but if we really asked humans to rank what was valuable to them, pizza and naps would be far higher on the list than any shiny baubles. Everyone loves pizza and naps.
Boca Raton man Milor Michel, 24, loves them a lot. In fact, he recently got arrested for stealing both of them. The incident began last Friday when a 19-year-old woman found Michel in her kitchen, raiding the fridge and eating pizza at 3 a.m. She had a roommate call 911. He told them it was cool because he was friends with their other roommate, which, frankly, wouldn't excuse him from being so rude and eating their pizza without asking, but the other roommates didn't buy the "friend" line and called police anyway.
Michel decided to leave, but then he just walked a short distance to another apartment in the same complex and broke in to take a nap. There, yet another 19-year-old woman woke to find him sleeping on her couch. We guess you can't technically steal a nap, but you can steal the innocence from someone's prime napping space. That woman also called 911, and Michel was arrested and charged with burglary of an occupied structure.
Woman Wearing "Won't Be Caught" T-Shirt Not Yet Caught
When the designers at Nike decided to splash the words "Won't Be Caught" on a T-shirt, they probably meant it in an "I can run really fast" context. If only they knew how many people would be caught shoplifting in that shirt.
In late August, security cameras at a Marshall's in Port St. Lucie captured two women making off with $719.95 worth of purses. One of those women happened to be wearing a "Won't Be Caught" shirt, and, well, the sheriff's office decided to accept that challenge. They blasted her photo across the local media, and she was later identified as Shazonya Williams.
The thing is, though police have arrested her accomplice, Williams has not yet been caught.
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