Flakka, the Most "Florida Man" Drug Ever, Causes Naked "God" to Hump Tree

A lot of weird things happen in Florida every week, and we're here every Friday to share the weirdness with you. This week a man high on Florida's latest favorite drug, flakka, attempts to have sex with a tree, a man found sleeping on the beach turns out to be an alleged murderer, and two not-quite-legal twins end up causing some double trouble.
Man High on "Flakka" Streaks, Claims He Is Thor, Has Sex With Tree
Flakka is the latest synthetic drug craze apparently sweeping Florida. It's a stimulant that has the unfortunate power of turning an ordinary Florida man into weird-news-headline-generating "Florida Man." Though the drug is almost certainly in use in Miami-Dade, no one here has done anything that crazy enough while high on the drug to warrant national headlines. The rest of Florida is a completely different story. 

Up in Brevard County last week, 41-year-old Kenneth Crowder was reportedly seen streaking through a neighborhood while yelling he was "God" and "Thor." He then humped a tree. Police, naturally, were called

They arrived to find Crowder clothed. However, he was still claiming he was God or Thor. He walked toward police in an aggressive manner, so they zapped him with a Taser. It had little effect on him, even after a second shock, and Crowder pulled the prongs out. He then grappled with an officer and tried to "stab" the officer with his own badge. Eventually, police were able to subdue the flakka enthusiast. He was charged with battery on a law enforcement officer, resisting with violence, and assault with a deadly weapon on a law enforcement officer.
Man Found Sleeping on Beach Turns Out to Be Murder Suspect 
We're not saying all men with incredibly odd facial tattoos found sleeping on Daytona Beach are murder suspects, but would you be surprised to learn that a man sleeping on Daytona Beach and sporting facial ink that would make Mike Tyson blush was a murder suspect? No. No, you would not. 

Kenneth Stancil III, 20, was found slumbering on the sand Tuesday. Volusia County Sheriff's deputies took him into custody for violating a local law that forbids sleeping on the beach, but it turned out Stancil had a murder warrant out for his arrest in North Carolina. Stancil is suspected of entering a print shop at Wayne Community College in Goldsboro, North Carolina, Monday and shooting Ron Lane. 

Stancil was part of a work-study program at the campus print shop and had been supervised by Lane, but he was dismissed for excess absences. After allegedly killing Lane, Stancil drove his motorcycle from North to South Carolina. The bike broke down, and Stancil hitchhiked his way to Florida. Authorities say Stancil, while in custody, admitted to the killing, but he gave a reason to the judge. 

"I just want you to know, I ridded one less [expletive] child molester from the [expletive] Earth that [expletive] with my little brother. All right? That's all I got to say," he said during a hearing.
Not-Quite-Legal Twins Cause Double Trouble 
Jonathan and Michael High are twins whose 21st birthday is today, but apparently they just couldn't wait to turn legal before a drunken night of debauchery. 

The pair was partying at the Knight's Pub near the campus of the University of Central Florida in Orlando last weekend, when one of them (perhaps both, who knows how twins' mind-meld powers really work) decided to steal a sign worth $350 from the bar. A security guard caught Michael leaving the bar with the valuable sign, but Jonathan decided to help his bro out by punching the guard. Jonathan and the guard got into a fracas, and apparently Jonathan's shirt came off in the melee. The twins took off running but were quickly apprehended by police. 

They later admitted to using their older brother's ID to enter the bar. Both face public intoxication and grand theft charges. Jonathan faces battery charges. 
KEEP MIAMI NEW TIMES FREE... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Kyle Munzenrieder

Latest Stories