Five Sports Stories This Year So Bizarre They Must Have Happened in Miami
Two Orcs celebrate Lebron James losing out on his precious NBA championship ring.
2011 sucked for the average Miami
sports fan. The Big 3 and the Miami Heat were bitched-slapped by the
most annoying guest star on Entourage, a German white walker,
a Puerto Rican hobbit, and the most overrated sixth man in the NBA.
The Ex-Florida-Now-Miami Marlins continued to suck on the field and
in attendance while putting the finishing touches on the new ballpark amid a federal investigation. The Miami Dolphins are still the
poster boys for NFL mediocrity. And the Al Golden era over the
University of Miami football program kicked off with the Nevin
Shapiro scandal and ended with disappointing 6-6 record.
But this past year, there were far
more insane sports headlines involving only-in-South-Florida-twists. We've
highlighted the top five from 2011:
Lebron James' mom gets arrested.
It was bad enough being the most reviled NBA player with an embarrassing, rapidly receding hairline. Then Gloria James had to go get hammered while partying it up at Miami Beach's Fontainebleau Hotel. The King's mum was arrested this past April 7 for simple battery and disorderly intoxication after a confrontation with a valet. According to the police report, James yelled profanities at the valet, including "where are my fucking keys," and struck the car parker with an open hand across his face - what is commonly known as the "pimp slap" -- according to the police report. At least Delonte West wasn't riding shotgun.
Dolphins fan gets knocked out.
Hey, we can understand if some folks are a little bitter about Miami's storied NFL franchise going from the only team to go undefeated during an entire season to an 0-7 laughingstock. And we can understand that sometimes you can ingest a little too much liquid courage during four quarters of football. But sucker-punching a loudmouth schnook? That's just low-class like your apartment in Allapattah, bro.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you'll never miss Miami New Times' biggest stories.