Chris Bosh's latest bout with blood clots has us seriously spooked, because less Chris Bosh is always a terrible thing. We aren't just talking basketball here; we're talking about in life. Miami needs more Bosh, everywhere, always. Whether it be in ten years or ten months, one day Chris Bosh will no longer play basketball for the Miami Heat, and when that day comes, it's gonna suck.
Unless we actually get more Chris Bosh off the court. That would not suck. That would make us all better people. Because Bosh is such a smart and diverse guy with eclectic tastes — from learning Spanish and coding to playing the guitar — his off-the-court career could actually eclipse his fantastic work in the NBA.
Here are a few things we selfishly wish he'll consider when it's all said and done on the hardwood, whenever that might be.
1. Open a brewery named Boshy Beer.
Chris Bosh has a passion for homebrewing — because he's perfect, obviously — so when he's ready to hang up his sneakers, why not turn a hobby into a thriving business? Imagine a spacious Chris Bosh-owned brewery where his love of technology, music, and beer meet. iPad menus. Player-named beers like Amare' Stoutemire. Drones that deliver your beer. Cooking classes. Videogame tournaments. Coding conferences. Live bands. Whatever. The entire brewery could be built in what is actually a basketball gym. I could be the manager, and Chris Bosh and I could develop a friendship bond that would last a lifetime. (That last one is more for me, but this is my fantasy.)
You already want to go to Boshy Beer Brewery, and it's not even a thing yet. This actually needs to happen regardless of when he stops playing. This needs to happen this offseason. Bokampers and Bru's Room would end up looking like fast-food joints compared to a Boshy Beer Brewery.
2. Host a local bilingual talk show on Fusion.
We could listen to Chris Bosh talk all day — in English or Spanish. He needs his own show. Imagine a Miami-based, Arsenio Hall type of show on Fusion where Bosh interviewed all sorts of people — that would be must-see TV. Bosh could interview Bill Gates and Kobe Bryant the same night and in both interviews have equal amounts of off-the-top-of-his-head knowledge.
Sticking to a locally based network would allow Bosh to continue raising his family in Miami, as well as leave him enough time in his day to learn to play the piano, speak Cantonese, or whatever other passion hits him out of the blue. Make the call, Fusion.
3. Join the Fox Sports Sun team.
Honestly, this is probably the least likely of the bunch, but one that would keep Bosh in our homes the most. Bosh doesn't seem like the sort of guy who would want to stick around the silly game of basketball when he's done playing it — and if he did, it would probably be for ESPN or TNT. He would head straight to the major leagues because he's that good. Selfishly, though, we would love to see Bosh and Jason Jackson bring the Miami Heat into our homes on a nightly basis. They make magic in their 45-second Winner's Circle interviews — imagine what they could do with extended amounts of airtime.
4. Take the Bosh Family World Tour to the Travel Channel.
Hey, the Bosh clan will probably continue traveling to exotic locales anyway, so why not bring us along? Chris Bosh is about to have twin boys to go with his other three children, and he's married to a glamorous woman who is no stranger to a camera. That sounds like the perfect family to make a fun reality travel show. Anthony Bourdain and Andrew Zimmern are one thing, but a six-foot-ten man walking through a Ho Chi Minh market with a camera crew could make for some amazing TV.
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5. Open Bosh's Awesome House of Awesome Stuff.
If Bosh finds brewing beer too much of a hassle, he could always concentrate on his love of music and the culinary arts. If old Dolphins players can do it, Bosh can certainly pull off an establishment that lets him host events, book live local bands, and do whatever else he feels like doing. Bacon and blues fests hosted by Chris Bosh. Sign us up. Take our wallets.
More Bosh is always a good thing. That's why this second bout with blood clots has us worrying what it means for him in our lives. Here's to hoping Heat fans don't see any of these ideas come to fruition for a long time, because it means Bosh has been concentrating on bringing more parades down Biscayne Boulevard.