Feline-Lovin' Sadists
Alvaro Diaz-Rubio

Feline-Lovin' Sadists

When police arrested infamous suspected cat killer Tyler Weinman last week, it ignited a furious online discussion of how he should be punished. And, wow, Miamians are capable of some violent fantasies when you fuck with Fluffy.

What follows are a few of the more creative punishment suggestions, ignoring those posted by obvious racists or really scary creeps. Keep in mind they are probably written by feline-adoring office receptionists with bowls of Hershey's Kisses on their desks and clipped photos from Cat Fancy taped to their cubicle walls:

• "In the old days, they would take criminals and stone them — that's what needs to be done to this sick individual!"


cat killer

• "Once these people or person is caught, they should receive two lashes of a whip for every cat they killed."

• "Beat the hell out of them, take their picture, post them, and then call the cops, and if their parents come crying, give them a beating also."

• "He should be sprayed down with raw meat juices and then put in a cage with a mountain cougar along with our other large feline friends."

• "Tie him up, cover him in Fancy Feast, and let 300 hungry stray cats go at him." 

• "Attach his penis to a burning building, give him a dull knife, and exit said burning building."

• "Keep Guantánamo open just for this guy. Hood him and waterboard him! Obama will understand."

• "Why do I want to lock him in a basement with my brother Anthony?"

Somehow, that last one scares us the most.


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