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Fat Grandma Tattoos, The Prong Beard, and The Perfect Mugshot Form

Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that series.

Fat Grandma Tattoos, The Prong Beard, and The Perfect Mugshot Form

Arrested: 9/8

Charged with: Grand theft third degree, burglary of an unoccupied structure, resisting an officer without violence to his person

Are we missing something here? Are tattoos of big fat happy grandmas trying to give us a hug the new gangsta thing?

Fat Grandma Tattoos, The Prong Beard, and The Perfect Mugshot Form

Arrested: 9/10

Charged with: Escape, disorderly conduct, resisting an officer without violence to his person

That is some straight-up 1990s sass right there. The pursed lips, the bleached hair with the, y'know, things in it, the necklace full of charms. We didn't think they made hellions like that anymore.

Fat Grandma Tattoos, The Prong Beard, and The Perfect Mugshot Form

Arrested: 9/14

Charged with: Possession of controlled substance for purpose of trafficking, possession of more than 20 grams of cannabis, possession of drug paraphernalia

Don't you dare look at us with those dull eyes like you don't know that your beard is two flimsy prongs of hair.

Fat Grandma Tattoos, The Prong Beard, and The Perfect Mugshot Form

Arrested: 9/13

Charged with: Burglary of unoccupied dwelling, grand theft third degree, use of a firearm while committing a felony

Ever wonder what Rick Scott would look like as a less successful criminal?

Fat Grandma Tattoos, The Prong Beard, and The Perfect Mugshot Form

Arrested: 9/13

Charged with: Burglary of an unoccupied conveyance, grand theft third degree, trespassing after warning, resisting officer with violence to his person

You know how Jerry West inspired the NBA logo because his form is just so perfect? This guy may be our Jerry West.

Fat Grandma Tattoos, The Prong Beard, and The Perfect Mugshot Form

Arrested: 9/12

Charged with: Guest refused to leave

If she was at my place I wouldn't make her leave, amirite fellas, amirite? Oh God I'm the guy who posts funny mugshots on the internet.

Fat Grandma Tattoos, The Prong Beard, and The Perfect Mugshot Form

Arrested: 9/9

Charged with: Burglary of an unoccupied conveyance, grand theft third degree, leaving scene of an accident

Oh yeah, we just remembered why we never want to have kids. This little fella here is a natural prophylactic.

Fat Grandma Tattoos, The Prong Beard, and The Perfect Mugshot Form

Arrested: 9/11

Charged with: Battery, possession of a firearm by a convicted felon, witness tampering

Hey the tall cop brother from Everybody Loves Raymond ate Rodney Dangerfield!

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