Fake Teen Doctor Malachi Love-Robinson Is the Most Impressive Florida Criminal of the Year

Fake Teen Doctor Malachi Love-Robinson Is the Most Impressive Florida Criminal of the Year (4)
Illustration by Alvaro Rubio-Diaz

A lot of weird things happen in Florida every week, and on Fridays we're here to bring you the weirdest. This week: the impressive story of a very ambitious and very fake teenage doctor, a woman who gave it to her husband after she discovered his dildo, and the tragic story of the disappearance of Mr. Froggy. 

Fake Teen Doctor Malachi Love-Robinson Is the Most Impressive Florida Criminal of the Year

Teen Set Up Medical Practice in West Palm Beach 
Here in WTF Florida, we usually traffic in stories of two-bit criminals. Women who have thrown spaghetti at their mothers because they've both slept with the same man. People who run naked through playgrounds while declaring they're God. People, well, like the two listed in the other entries below. But Malachi Love-Robinson, well, damn he's impressive. 

In case you're not caught up on this viral tale, the 18-year-old opened up a medical practice in West Palm Beach. This was a problem because 18-year-olds haven't usually lived long enough to obtain a medical degree. Yet, there Love-Robinson was treating patients. He even found a business partner to invest $10,000 in his practice. He had staff. He had a nice-looking office. He had a lab coat and stethoscope. He had a professional-looking head shot. I'm more than ten years older and I have none of those things! 

Love-Robinson had been practicing for months and used the term "Dr." He claimed he had a PhD. (Medical doctors are MDs, by the way.)

Here's the catch, though: naturopathic doctors — or "doctors" really — aren't required to be licensed in the state of Florida. What's naturopathy? It's alternative medicine that shuns traditional medicine and instead is based in the healing power of nature. There are no pills — naturopathic doctors prescribe things like changing diet, herbs, and acupuncture. 

Local police, however, believed that Love-Robinson may have been practicing more traditional medicine. They sent an undercover officer into his office, and Love-Robinson examined her and told her to take an allergy pill. Police then promptly arrested the teen on charges of practicing medicine without a license. 

The teen claims that his actions don't constitute practicing actual medicine and actually walked out of an interview with Good Morning America yesterday

In any event, actually setting up a medical practice and then showing up to work every day is really impressive by Florida teenager standards. Totally unethical? Yes. But the kid's got a good scam work ethic. 

Fake Teen Doctor Malachi Love-Robinson Is the Most Impressive Florida Criminal of the Year (2)

Wife Beats Husband After She Finds His Dildo
Moving day can be especially stressful, but usually one of the few perks is the joy of finding something you lost or didn't even know you had. Usually. Last Wednesday night, when Chao Gao was packing up things to move into a new home in Sarasota with her husband of just over a year, Josh, she made an odd discovery: a dildo. 

This story ends in a police report. According to the cops, when confronted, Josh confessed that it was his and that he used it on himself. When the two were in the car, Chao began hitting, pinching, and slapping Josh. Josh can take a lot of things, but he couldn't take that. When the two got to their new home, the husband called police. According to the Smoking Gun, Manatee County Sheriff's deputies arrived and found Josh with bruises and scrapes. They arrested Chao, 41, on charges of misdemeanor domestic battery. 

Fake Teen Doctor Malachi Love-Robinson Is the Most Impressive Florida Criminal of the Year (3)

Man Wants Out of Florida Jail Because Police Lost His Stuffed Friend "Mr. Froggy" 
All I need in this life of sin, is me and Mr. Froggy friend.
Down to ride 'til the very end, it's me and Mr. Froggy friend.

Well, that was the story for Ignatius Pollara until someone goddamned lost Mr. Froggy

Pollara has a long history of shoplifting. He's stolen more than $1 million worth of goods —  usually very expensive Lego sets. Last summer he was busted in DuPage County for stealing  two paintbrushes and some pencils from a Hobby Lobby. That would normally constitute petty theft, but because of Pollara's history, he was hit with a high bond. So he's sat in jail ever since. 

When he was arrested, police confiscated his possessions. Pollara now claims the officers have lost them. Among the lost items: Pollara's stuffed plush green frog known as "Mr. Froggy." Pallara, without the support of his public defender,  claims the loss of Mr. Froggy and the other property violates his due process rights, and that he should be let out of jail within 14 days if the property isn't returned. 

The judge said that he'd try to have the items found but didn't agree with the accused thief's legal reasoning: "I think I've been here long enough for two paint brushes and a bag of pencils," he said.

Maybe he has. Maybe he hasn't. In any case, regardless of Pollara's action, we here at WTF Florida sincerely hope that one day he is reunited with Mr. Froggy. 


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