Imagine walking into a venture capitalist's office and pitching your brilliant business plan for "Uber for caviar." "Imagine it!" you might say. "A world where you can order caviar as simply as you can order a car. Just a few clicks on your smartphone and a tin of some of the world's finest caviar will be instantly on its way to your location."
If you're not laughed out of the office, the VCs might run some research and conclude there's no real market for such a service. Why, such a business plan would be imaginable only in a world full of unrestrained excess. In some magical land where all the world's richest snobs are concentrated in a few square miles. A place where they've confused taste and refinement with out-of-touch, 1-percent-style hedonism and unrestrained capitalism.
Oh, wait, such a place does exist for one week every December in Miami Beach: It's called Art Basel.
And Roe Caviar will actually offer such a service, because the week is now basically ComicCon for the world's moneyed elite. Except instead of sneak peeks at the latest Marvel movie, they get sneak peeks into new, exciting ways to flaunt their wealth.
According to a mailer obtained by Art News, between December 1 and 6, you can text ROEBASEL to 77948 and have a tin of caviar delivered to you within an hour. According to the company's website, a 125-gram tin sells for $275. A 250-gram tin sells for $550. Yes, that's $2.20 per gram.
"You don't need a reason," the accompanying digital flyer reads. "You're at Art Basel."
Again: "You don't need a reason. You're at Art Basel."
Of course, when you can afford to pay more than $500 for caviar on a whim, you probably don't think about reasons when it comes to anything you do. You don't need to. "Reason" is for poor people.
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To make things even more exclusive, Roe sells its caviar only two months of the year.
"Just like a limited edition #Chanel clutch, you have to buy it before it flies off the shelves," reads a caption on the brand's delightful Instagram account. "Our caviar is only available in November and December."