Dunces Raise Confederate Flag over Florida, Ugh
Several years ago the United States of America, the greatest country on the face of the Earth ever, faced off against known terrorist organization "The Confederate States of America."
We ended up kicking their ass, because that's how we roll (I am technically Southern by birth, Northern by Heritage, thank God). President Lincoln was secretly harboring a devious plan to castrate all of these Confederate proto-Bin Ladins, so they could never procreate. Sadly, this plan was foiled when Lincoln was assassinated. Redneck reproduction continues, and modern rednecks sometime display replica nut sacks on the back of their trucks to commemorate this fact.
But, that is not enough for them. No. They must continue to spread their anti-American propaganda by displaying the confederate flag everywhere, and today at 2pm, a giant Rebel flag was hoisted once again over the intersection of I4 and I75 near Tampa.
They also plan to light this flag during the Super Bowl, an American
game that surely never would have thrived should Confederate "President" Jefferson Davis had
succeeded, because he was a noted fan of nationally organized
professional horse shoes (look it up).
Not only that, but these domestic terrorist sympathizers also want to
put this vial propaganda of the Confederate battle flag on cars.
They're going to court to try and get a special license plate issued.
Well, The Civil War is over. More Americans were killed than Al-Queda
could ever dream of. We have an African-American president now. The Civil War was a sad, but necessary, part of our history. Let's not celebrate the division.
Plus, we all know Obama has a rabid Lincoln
fetish. So I suggest you just jack off to the Confederate flag in the
privacy of your own double wides, before he follows through on
Lincoln's promise of mandatory Southern castration.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss Miami New Times' biggest stories.
- Fortress-Like Art Museum to Be Approved For Biscayne Blvd
Fri., Sep. 4, 11:30am
Fri., Sep. 4, 6:35pm
Sat., Sep. 5, 11:30am
Sat., Sep. 5, 7:00pm
- Jeb Bush Reminds World The Only Thing "Conservative" About Donald Trump is His Fear of...
- Miami Cop Pulled Suspect From Jail, Dumped Him on Street to Avoid Paperwork