Don't Worry, Miami, It Only Looks Like The Mayan Apocalypse Outside
via Wikimedia Commons
Miami awoke this morning to howling winds, eerie, greenish sunlight and skidding clouds, and suddenly remembered, "Oh yeah, today is the Apocalypse, isn't it?" Then we chugged some whiskey, grabbed our End Times shotguns, logged on for one last Facebook update ... and woah, hey, the rest of the world is reporting that the Mayans were actually full of crap.
Turns out it just looks like Armageddon in Miami this morning. Blame a wicked cold front that's ushering in an honest-to-god freeze watch tonight. Which, for most Miamians, may as well be the Apocalypse.
Perhaps what that Mayan calendar really meant is "Dec. 21, 2012 will be a truly crappy day in Miami." Great prediction, guys!
As for that Mayan Apocalypse, hasn't happened. To be fair, they didn't specify what time of day the fiery hellscape will descend upon Earth, so maybe we have to wait until midnight to be sure?
"Wait until the dawn on the 22nd; that is when we Maya will speak," says Nobel Peace Prize laureate and Guatemalan activist Rigoberta Menchu.
At the very least, you'll need to dig out your knit cap by then. Damn you, Mayans!
Follow Miami New Times on Facebook and Twitter @MiamiNewTimes.
Get the Weekly Newsletter
Our weekly feature stories, movie reviews, calendar picks and more - minus the newsprint and sent directly to your inbox.