Don't Worry, Miami, It Only Looks Like The Mayan Apocalypse Outside
via Wikimedia Commons
Miami awoke this morning to howling winds, eerie, greenish sunlight and skidding clouds, and suddenly remembered, "Oh yeah, today is the Apocalypse, isn't it?" Then we chugged some whiskey, grabbed our End Times shotguns, logged on for one last Facebook update ... and woah, hey, the rest of the world is reporting that the Mayans were actually full of crap.
Turns out it just looks like Armageddon in Miami this morning. Blame a wicked cold front that's ushering in an honest-to-god freeze watch tonight. Which, for most Miamians, may as well be the Apocalypse.
Perhaps what that Mayan calendar really meant is "Dec. 21, 2012 will be a truly crappy day in Miami." Great prediction, guys!
As for that Mayan Apocalypse, hasn't happened. To be fair, they didn't specify what time of day the fiery hellscape will descend upon Earth, so maybe we have to wait until midnight to be sure?
"Wait until the dawn on the 22nd; that is when we Maya will speak," says Nobel Peace Prize laureate and Guatemalan activist Rigoberta Menchu.
At the very least, you'll need to dig out your knit cap by then. Damn you, Mayans!
Get the ICYMI: Today's Top Stories Newsletter Our daily newsletter delivers quick clicks to keep you in the know
Catch up on the day's news and stay informed with our daily digest of the most popular news, music, food and arts stories in Miami, delivered to your inbox Monday through Friday.