Donald Trump's hair: the long-form birth certificate
Since President Barack Obama busted out his long form and whacked his man in Pakistan, the clamor of the "Birther" movement has become more of a soft whimper heard only in pathetic, delusional locales such as Arkansas sanatoriums and the set of The Sean Hannity Show.
But a countermovement lives on. We call ourselves "Wiggers," and we demand the truth behind the origins of Donald Trump's hair. Now Riptide's team of private investigators has uncovered our movement's Holy Grail: the Donald's Hair's long-form birth certificate.
Now we know what the bastard mop has been hiding. You're welcome, America.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss Miami New Times' biggest stories.
- Bill Advances That Would Ban Red Light Cameras in Florida
Wed., Feb. 10, 7:30pm
Thu., Feb. 11, 7:00pm
Fri., Feb. 12, 7:30pm
Sat., Feb. 13, 6:00pm
- Facebook Killer Derek Medina Gets Life in Prison, Vows to Sue Entire World
- Marco Rubio's Friend Didn't Know About Gay Porn House, Site's Owner Says