Oh, sure, the Miami Marlins have got a loaded new roster, an expensive new home, and new logos and uniforms of divisive aesthetic quality. Hell they've even got a new name. None of that matters now. It's boring in comparison. Yawn. Do you hear us yawning?
Clearly the most exciting MLB off-season development in Florida is the fact that the Tampa Bay Rays have officially adopted DJ Kitty as their mascot!!!!!
We first went gaga over DJ Kitty back in September 2010 when we learned the Rays were airing a video of a cat spinning records on their JumboTron. The video soon became a viral sensation, and now, a year and half later, the Rays have decided to adopt DJ Kitty as one of their official mascots.
In case your forgot, here's the original DJ Kitty in action:
You know who killed Deadmau5? Obviously DJ Kitty.
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The Rays do have another mascot. Some furry thing called Raymond. Unlike Romano, we doubt everyone loves him, but he'll still stick around according to Yahoo! Sports. DJ Kitty will just be a secondary mascot. Which is a shame, but remember, he has DJ booking gigs to attend to. And knowing what we know of the Tampa Bay nightlife scene, we really wouldn't be surprised if the most talented DJ in town was an actual cat.
As for our Marlins, look, we're glad and all that Billy the Marlin has accepted that "sexuality is a continuum and he is but a voyager on a vast ocean of pleasure" by sporting his new rainbow colored dorsal fin, but really he is not a cat. He does not DJ. He is not DJ Kitty. Up your mascot change game next time, Marlins.
And, yes, we know we just got done being grossed out by people in furry suits, but there's a big difference between gross Republicans dressed up as whore cows and DJ Kitty. OK? We don't even have to hold ourselves to matters of reason when it comes to DJ Kitty.