Dear License Plate Jesus, Take Away This Swine Flu and Give Us Back Our Bea Arthur

What a roller coaster this swine flu, excuse me, H1N1 is: First someone jumped the gun on reporting the first case in Florida, a lady traveled through Miami carrying the virus, then 20 suspected cases in Miami-Dade were sent for testing. None of those came back positive, but two others...

By Kyle Munzenrieder

May 1, 2009

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What a roller coaster this swine flu, excuse me, H1N1 is: First someone jumped the gun on reporting the first case in Florida, a lady traveled through Miami carrying the virus, then 20 suspected cases in Miami-Dade were sent for testing. None of those came back positive, but two others in Florida did.
Last weekend Bea Arthur, the actress behind one of Miami's favorite fictional residents, passed away. No, it was not from swine flu. And, yes, Bea, thank you for being a friend.
Speaking of pig-like menaces, Elaine Lancaster eloquently took Perez Hilton to task over his Miss California remarks.
We also learned this week that A-Rod has bitch tits. Also, maybe he did steroids in high school, but more importantly: bitch tits.
Tally tried to put Christ on a cross on a license plate. We wondered why Jesus couldn't atleast look happy on the license plate, but it seems he won't face the indignity of being placed on the back of a beat up '94 Dodge Neon after all.
Bestiality will probably remain legal in Florida.
Jeb Bush will travel the country with his friends ragalling wing nuts in tales of Republican make believe. No Charlie Crists allowed. He's too friendly with Obama, even if the Democrats forgot.
Wackenhut is wacking the county's hut in the form of a lawsuit.
The Marlins lost for a long, long time, and then won again. Meanwhile, Isiah Thompas is kind of a dick. Then again, so are most higher ups at FIU.
A CBS4 report took some heat for maybe, possibly causing a shooting in Liberty City. So CBS4 just edited it on their website. There, all better now.
Adam Hasner is the kind of guy who would walk out the funeral for a Muslim swine flu victim if there was prayer involved.
Oh, and regardless of swine flu, there's a real pandemic going on: HIV. It would be nice if President Obama did something about.

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