CSI: Miami is Dead, But Here Are Ten Other Shows That Need Miami Spinoffs
Did you hear the news? CSI: Miami has been canceled. Dramatically remove your sunglasses in silence to pay your respects.
The series' execution puts a temporary end to one of our favorite Hollywood hack practices: take a successful movie or television show, and for a lazy sequel or spin-off transport the exact same concept to sunny, sexy Miami. See our top ten favorite examples here. Hopefully, CSI: Miami's demise doesn't end the practice once and for all (hey, the exposure is good for tourism). Here's some ideas for other potential cheesy Miami-set spin-offs of successful television shows.
30 Rock: Doral
Liz Limón is the headwriter of Spanish-language variety show La Hora Jiggles (very loosely based on Sábado Gigante, as 30 Rock is very loosely based on SNL). The lowly rated show is hosted by her longtime friend Jenna Machado (who hosts the show in low-cut tops and jumps around a lot) until Telemendo executive Juan Donaghy decides to add bad boy comedian Horatio Suarez (played by Horatio Sanz) as the new co-star of the now-bilingual show. Liz Limón will be played by a former Venezuelan beauty queen, but because she wears cardigans and glasses there are constant odd jokes about how she is fat, ugly and undesirable.
Law & Order: Surfside
Executive producer Dick Wolf tries to give the familiar L&O format one more revamp. This time by following the police of the Surfside PD as the do nothing all day but sit around and give people tickets for driving 5 miles over the speed limit or occasionally jay walking. The series is cancelled half way through the first episode, and we never get to see the "Order" segment in which the criminals are forced to wait in an overly crowded clerk of courts office to pay their fine.
Work of Art: Wynwood
While the often forgotten Bravo reality show depends on the lie that actual artistic talent is all that is needed to rise to the top of the art world, the Wynwood edition takes a more realistic approach. Contestants are judged on factors like the quality of liquor sponsor at their next opening, how influential their social circle is, and press mentions. Like the real art world, the judges will pretend to give favor to female, minority and gay artists unless their work deals with issues of femininity, ethnicity and queerness in ways that make the straight, white art world aristocracy a bit too uncomfortable.
How I Met Your Mother: Miami Gardens
Long story short: at King of Diamonds. Don't even think I'm about to pay child support, though.
Breaking Bad: Homestead
It's pretty much exactly like the original Breaking Bad, except the main character isn't dying from advanced lung cancer. He doesn't even care much about providing for his family. He's just an asshole who has no problem skirting the law and selling meth, and probably some crack too. Lets be honest, this is set in Miami. Ain't a drug dealer here who feels bad about what they do.
After the massive critical outpouring attacking HBO's Girls for being too white, the pay channel decides to do damage control with a complete revamp for season two. Lena Durham's character Hannah Horvath admits defeat and realizes she can no longer afford to live in the Big Apple. So she decamps to Miami where she makes friends with the femme fatale daughter of a Haitian power developer, a shy, Jewban University of Miami student and a Colombian American princess. Durham is actually the only non-Hispanic white actor featured in the entire season. There will be at least one episode centering on how uncircumcised men sort of freak her character out.
Parks and Recreation: Hialeah
While the original Parks and Rec centers on Leslie Knope, a noble, low-level city official who gives us all hope that not every bureaucrat is evil and incompetent. Parks and Rec: Hialeah would be the exact opposite. The parks official rises her way to the top by embezzling government money, blaming the poor quality of local parks on some vast communist conspiracy and not her own lax work ethic, and eventually gets appointed to a vacant spot on the city council by sleeping with the mayor. It's local government, Hialeah style.
Mad Men: Miami
Oh, wait. Someone already made this show. It's called Magic City.
We don't really have much of a joke here. We just honestly would like to see a Gossip Girl show set in Miami. Just a bunch of Carrollton girls and Belen Jesuit boys partying at LIV and sleeping with each other boyfriends. You'd at least watch for the first season and a half. Admit it.
Cheers: South Beach
Making your way in the world today takes everything you've got.
Taking a break from all your worries, sure would help a lot.
Wouldn't you like to get away?
Sometimes you want to go
Where everybody knows your ...Wait, wait, what did you say your name is?
I can't find it on the list.
Who did you say you talked to?
Yeah, he's here, but if you're not on the list I can't let you it.
If you want to try and text him he can walk you in, but I can't let you in if your name's not on the list.
I mean, I do have bottles available.
It's 400 for Grey Goose.
OK, well you can wait, but I'm gonna have to ask you to step back. I've got a lot of people trying to get in tonight.
Don't give me attitude, bro.
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