Coral Gables Ranked Second Snobbiest City in Florida, Miami Beach Third Drunkest
We all enjoy a good city ranking list, but so many of them are quite tame. Miami has been ranked as everything from the city with the most attractive people (duh) to the best city to be a dog (interesting). Sometimes, though, we want to see rankings based on the things we talk about behind other cities' backs. Which city seems a bit cold and standoffish? Which is clearly a lush and keeps showing up to parties totally hammered? Which cities are truly the worst?
Well, thankfully we've come across rogue city ranking site RoadSnacks, which uses math to rank places on not quite politically correct standards, and it seems like they might be onto something.
For example, the site ranked Coral Gables the second snobbiest city in Florida. Really, we're just surprised it didn't take first place. This is a city that for 50 years was so haughty that it banned pickup trucks from being parked in public view in residential areas. The city was embarrassed for people to find out they might have neighbors who made a living with their hands.
It's also a city that simply ignored Miami-Dade's grid system and came up with its own maze of roads. This is a city that thinks practical street signs are so ugly that the names of roads are chiseled into oversize paperweights on that ground that no one can really read. It's a city that nicknamed itself "The City Beautiful" because it is so in love with its own image that it also has decided it has evolved past proper English grammar. Just look above at city hall. The place is full of itself (even if, we admit, it might be justified).
RoadSnacks determined the rating by looking at median home prices, the percent of the population with a college degree, and private schools, theaters, and art galleries per capita. In all cases, the higher a city ranked, the snobbier it is. The Gables came in second overall in Florida, behind only Sanibel off Florida's west coast. Key Biscayne also represents Miami-Dade on the list by placing ninth. It turns out Miami Lakes is the least snobby city in Miami-Dade.
Meanwhile, Miami Beach is the third drunkest city in Florida. Which we totally believe, but we also know it had no shot at number one. Go ahead and guess which city is Florida's drunkest. We'll give you a hint: It was famously home to America's most beloved literary drunk. Yep, Ernest Hemingway's Key West takes the top spot. Sarasota is second. Fort Lauderdale, meanwhile, proves it really does deserve that "Fort Liquordale" nickname by placing seventh.
The rankings were based on bars, pubs, wineries, and liquor stores per capita, as well as the prevalence of drunk-related tweets and divorces. Oddly, North Miami Beach is deemed the least drunk city in Miami-Dade, coming in 91st of 100 in Florida.
Meanwhile, Miami-Dade cities dominate the list of most dangerous places in Florida. The rankings were based on three years of data from the FBI’s Uniform Crime Report. Florida City comes in second, Opa-locka is third, and Miami Beach ranks seventh overall.
Finally, the site also ranked the worst places to live in Florida, and only one Miami-Dade city made it into the top ten. Appropriately, it's the generically named Florida City, which placed fourth. We have to agree. After all, we ranked it 34th of 34 on our list of all Miami-Dade cities.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you'll never miss Miami New Times' biggest stories.