Clever Headline: Parcells Looks to "Gaine" a Top Dallas Scout
In his never ending quest to turn the Miami Dolphins into the Dallas Cowboys, Bill Parcells is looking to land Cowboys assistant director of pro scouting, Brian Gaine.
According to NFL stipulations though, Parcells is going to have to find his way around the rules (again? curse you NFL rules!) since Gaine cannot be brought over to do the same job he already holds in Dallas. So Parcells is going to have to invent a position that makes it look like Gaine is moving up in the world, when in actuality, he's just moving sideways.
Meanwhile, Cowboys owner Jerry Jones not only gave him permission to interview with the Fins, but he's trying to get the NFL to bend the rules so Gaine can come over to Miami. Turns out Jerry Jones is not the rubber-faced asshole I painted him out to be last week. He's just rubber-faced.
I wonder if his grandkids ever try bouncing coins off his face while he’s napping on the couch. Does he wake up angry and tell them that when he was a kid he played kick the can and collected frogs in a jar, and didn't throw nickels at his grandpa’s face? Yes, he does. He then punishes them by making them watch a bull and a cow do it. -- Chris Joseph
For more on sports from Chris Joseph go to FinsNation.com.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you'll never miss Miami New Times' biggest stories.